Seeing, not Believing
by fmd-jade
Summary: How could this possibly be the worst and yet somehow the best night of his life?
1. Chapter 1

**Based on the Promo for episode 1x11:**

**- Emily, Cassandra and Will are the runner ups for the research assistant position and have to criticise each other**

**- Micah and his Mom talk about Emily and have a little bit of a falling out when her health deteriorates**

* * *

Micah looked in on them from the doorway. Thank God for Emily Owens who could get his mother's spirits up like no other. And not just his mother's, he mused.  
Right now she sat at the edge of his mother's bed and they had their heads stuck into a gossip magazine giggling like 13-year olds.

"Mom, Emily is busy."

They looked up, startled by his presence.

"No, she's not." His mother said, turning to Emily for confirmation. But the guilty conscience was written plainly on her face. "Emily, you should have told me. What are you doing here? Don't let me keep you from your work."

"It's alright, Joyce. It's not really work. It's extra extra work which brings me nothing but trouble and misery. And you shouldn't tell on me." She scolded Micah playfully.

Micah walked up to her. "Come on, don't be discouraged so easily."

"But I don't want to go." Emily whined.

Micah held out his hand and Emily took it with a deep sigh, letting herself be pulled up from the bed. Micah smiled at her and turned her around, gently pushing her into the direction of the door.

"Go kick their asses."

Emily laughed and waved goodbye at Joyce.

"What's this extra work you're talking about? The poor girl works enough already."

Micah picked up the magazine and flipped through it before tossing it on the nightstand. "A great opportunity, that's what it is. She could be Dr. Bandari's new research assistant. Which would be a huge step for her future career."

"From what she's told me about her encounters with Dr. Bandari, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

Micah chuckled. "It is, trust me."

Joyce patted his hand. "So let's talk about you, my son."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"How long ago did you break up with your girlfriend?" His mother asked conversationally.

Micah's eyes narrowed warily. "A few weeks ago. Why?"

"Well, I think a couple weeks is enough time to wait."

"Wait for what, mother?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh, you. Don't call me 'mother' it makes me feel even older." Micah just rolled his eyes. "No, I think it's time now. You've waited a few customary weeks and now it's time to get yourself out there again."

"Out where?" Micah asked bemusedly.

"The world, of course. Find a new girl for yourself."

"Of course." Micah said drily. Why hadn't he thought of that. "And I trust you already have a list of candidates."

"No, not a list. Just... Emily."

Micah heaved a deep sigh and got up from the chair, walking over towards the window. "No. We've talked about this and I wish you'd just let it go."

"But Micah-"

"No." He interrupted her harshly. "Just stop bringing it up all the time."

"Why should I?" Joyce huffed. "You clearly care about her. She's a lovely girl. She's beautiful and smart and so very kind. And she's not seeing anyone!"

"What? How the hell do you know that? Please don't tell me you asked her!" He looked at her with wide eyes. If she had asked Emily herself, then… He didn't know what he would do.

"Don't be silly. I asked one of the nurses."

Micah groaned. "Great. As if they won't know what you're implying."

"Well, I didn't mention any names, if that's what you're afraid of."

Micah shook his head in disbelief at his mother's naivety. "You're my mother. And the nurses are the most chatty and curious bunch of all of them. Trust me, they will know." If they didn't already. He just shook his head and paced around.

"Well, if they already know then surely asking her out won't do any more harm."

"I can't believe you did that." Micah said, his voice full of incredulity.

"Micah." Joyce waited patiently until he stopped his pacing and looked at her. "I know you like her. And she does too, from the looks of it. Why wont you ask her out?"

Micah shook his head. "I can't. I'm her superior, which would make it totally inappropriate. And she has a crush on someone else. We're friends, Mom. If I ask her out now I would totally blind-side her and she wouldn't stop thinking about it. And right now she has to focus on the research for Dr. Bandari. That's what's important to her and I can't distract her from that."

His mother looked at him with a pity in her eyes. "There's no harm in asking."

"Stop it. Just for once on your life, drop it and leave it alone." Micah pleaded exasperatedly. "And stop talking to everybody else about it. Please." He shook his head and glanced at his watch. "I have to go, Mom."

He walked over to the door without a backward glance.

"Micah!" Joyce called after him.

"I'll see you later, Mom."

::

Micah had prepped Mr. Edelstein for the operation and sent him up to pre-op. Walking up to the nurses' station now he could see and hear Emily, Cassandra and Will coming around the corner, obviously still worked up about their recent meeting with Dr. Bandari.

"Come on, Cassandra. She wanted to hear a few critique points. It wasn't that bad."

Micah smirked as he caught Emily rolling her eyes next to the couple.

"Will. What you said was totally out of line."

What are you complaining about, you pulled me to pieces in there." Emily challenged Cassandra in turn.

"Well, you make it so easy, Pits." Cassandra snidely remarked. "A few words and you're reduced to a stammering and babbling mess. It's not as if we didn't tell her anything she didn't already know about you."

Emily looked at her with wide eyes, clearly at a loss for words and proving Cassandra's point further. Micah thought about stepping forward and putting an end to this when Cassandra just smirked in triumph and left with her chart in hand.  
He just shook his head from the other side of the counter. Emily clearly had her work cut our for her and he wouldn't do her any favors by intervening.

"Emily, listen."

He had to look up at that reconciliatory tone. Will, obviously trying to mend fences once again.

"Don't mind her. She's just… "He searched for the right words. "She's just very competitive."

Micah had to suppress a snort. Saying Cassandra Kopelson was competitive was the understatement of the century. And Will was just sucking up, trying to keep his good guy image intact.

"And I know I said some things in there but it wasn't personal."

_Here we go_, Micah thought.

"It's okay." Emily said, clearly mollified. "I know the situation was hard on everyone."

Micah's eyes widened and he had to force himself to keep focusing on the lab report in front of him and not roll his eyes. Yes, she was kind. Very kind, as his mother had pointed out. But why the hell did she have to be so forgiving all the time. Will used her. And Emily just couldn't see it.  
He slammed his file shut forcefully, drawing the eyes of a few nurses as well as Emily and Will. This was getting ridiculous. He left without another word at one of them. Ha had a gall bladder to get to.

::

Emily hid her face in her hands and groaned. This was ridiculous.

"What are you doing?

She looked up startled by Tyra's voice.

"Hi. Assignment from Dr. Bandari."

Tyra sat down next to her at the table in the doctor's lounge and handed Emily a fresh cup of coffee. "Is that for the position as research assistant?"

Emily nodded as she took a sip, smiling gratefully. "Yes. Compiling an overview of the papers submitted as well as published in the biggest trade journals in the last 5 years concerning interstitial myocardial fibrosis."

Tyra leaned back in her chair with a smug grin. "I'm so glad not be you right now."

"Shut up." Emily scolded her good-naturedly. "It's not that bad."

"Sure it isn't." Tyra mocked her. "How many journals are you looking at?"

"Oh you know, the usual. New England Journal of Medicine, Nature, Science, American Heart Association, Cardiovascular Diabetology-"

"Okay, I get it, the whole bunch of them." Tyra interrupted. "How much time do you have?"

Emily glanced at her watch. "Six o'clock."

"Today?" Tyra's eyes widened comically.

Emily nodded timidly.

"You know you'll never get that finished in time. Especially when you focus on minuscule papers, submitted by some Swedes." She gestured towards Emily's laptop and the paper she had been reading. "You know she's only doing that to torture you."

"Hey," Emily closed her laptop. "I have a system here, including the Swedes. I know I probably won't get them all done, but I figured she was just testing us to see if we have a system. Instead of just listing every article we found."

Tyra just shook her head. "You know, this is not worth it, Emily. Do you really want to do this only to have her badger you for the next three to four years?"

Emily sighed but before she could respond her pager went off.

"Dammit." She jumped from her seat and hurried towards the door.

"What is it?" Tyra called after her.

"Micah's mom."

She ran down the hall and around the corner. Joyce's room was packed with nurses and doctors, shouting orders around.

"What's going on?"

"She presented severe bradycardia as well as progressing tachypnoe. I think she has a cardiogenic lung edema." Dr Addison informed Emily, as he intubated Joyce. Two nurses were preparing an IV.

"Cardiogenic?" Emily asked confusedly as she rushed over to help him. She handed him the ambu bag and took the laryngoscope out of his hands.

The oncologic surgeon grimaced. "Yes. I'm afraid the tumor is compressing her aorta or has infiltrated it. Worst case it hit the sympathetic chain."

Emily closed her eyes for a second. No. This couldn't be happening. Not to Joyce and not to Micah.

"We're going to open her up, try to resect the tumor mass." He told her. "Alright, everybody, let's roll. Get me an OR." He walked with Emily behind the nurses pushing the bed towards the elevator.

Emily nodded grimly. "Okay. I'm in."

"No." Dr Addison said, stopping in the middle of the corridor and facing her.

"But she's my patient."

He took a deep sigh. "Look, Dr. Owens, I don't doubt that you're a competent doctor but I think you're too close to the patient. And I need you to keep an eye on Dr. Barnes."

"But someone else can tell him what's going on." Emily protested.

"I don't want someone else to do it. I want you to do it. He's operating right now, so wait until he's done. And that's final." He walked off in the direction of the staircase. "And keep him out of my OR!"

Emily just stood there and cursed to herself.

::

She paced in front of the ORs trying to ignore the nurses staring at her as they passed her by. Yes, she looked like she had to wait in front of the principal's office and yes, she felt like it, too.

"Dr Owens." She turned to see Dr. Bandari coming along the corridor, ridding herself of her surgical cap and mask. "Any reason why you're lounging around the OR ward? I thought I had given you enough of an assignment earlier to keep you busy." Her tone cool and indifferent as usual.

"No, I mean yes. You did give me an assignment and yes I am busy. I mean, I should be." She tried to stop her nervous stammering, but couldn't think how. What was it about this woman that always reduced her to _this_? She thanked God as she spotted Micah emerging from the OR behind Dr. Bandari, eyeing them cautiously. "I was actually waiting for Dr. Barnes. There's something I have to talk to him about regarding his mother."

Micah quickly strode up to them at her words. "What's going on, Dr. Owens?"

Emily shot Dr. Bandari a nervous glance. "Your mother had a lung edema and-"

"A lung edema?" Micah interrupted her disbelievingly.

"Yes. Dr. Addison thinks the tumor might have infiltrated the aorta. She's in surgery right now."

Micah turned around instantly, heading towards the locker rooms. "I have to get changed."

"Micah!"

"Dr. Barnes." Dr. Bandari's authoritarian tone drowned out Emily's less than professional plea. "You will go and change and then check up on your patient in post-op."

He looked at her defiantly. "I-"

"No. You won't. This is your mother and you won't compromise Dr. Addison by breathing down his neck. Have I made myself clear?"

He looked down and nodded, evading both their gazes as he passed them and left for the locker room.

Emily watched after him with a heavy heart.

"Dr. Owens."

She spun around to face Dr. Bandari again with wide eyes.

"I trust you have work to do? Otherwise I am sure I can find something for you to do."

"No." Emily quickly shook her head. "I'm good. I'm just gonna… go. I'll go and do my work." She said and quickly left under Dr. Bandari's scrutiny.

::

Emily tentatively opened the door to the small conference room. Micah sat there, intently staring at the big screen in front of him where his mother's operation was live-streamed via the OR's video camera. One side of the screen showed her heart monitor, the other the operator's point of view. The miniature camera was attached to his headlight.

"You shouldn't be watching this." She said softly.

"Yes, I should." Micah said, without turning to look at her.

Emily let the door fall closed behind her and stepped further into the room. "Micah-"

"I should be in there myself!" He interrupted her.

"She's your mother. You can't."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do."

"I'm not." Emily said ever so gently. "I'm not."

"You should leave." Micah said peremptorily.

"What?"

"You should leave. I don't want you here."

"No."

"Just leave me alone, Emily." He finally turned to face her and got up from his chair in a defensive stance. Looked at her with sad and broken eyes.

"No." Emily shook her head resolutely. "What's going on with you? Right now you're not my boss and apparently not my friend. You're just the son of a patient. I don't even know why you're angry with me. But you can't push me around whenever you feel like it." She took a few steps closer to him, getting in his face. "And you're not the only one who cares about her. I'm here and I'm not leaving." She said, her words incredibly soft this time.

With a last defiant look at him she dropped down into the seat next to his.

Micah sighed heavily and looked down at her for a second before falling back into his own chair.

Only to stand right up again and start pacing.

"Why are you even doing this? You shouldn't be here." He muttered.

Emily grabbed his hand when he walked by her, making him stop instantly and look down at her in confusion.

"Micah, I just…"

Before she could find the right words, he looked at her with a new found clarity, his tone no longer holding the anger it previously had.

"You shouldn't be here."

"I'm trying to tell you that I should. That I want to be." Emily protested.

Micah pulled on the hand that still held on to his and hefted her out of her seat.

"Hey"

"No. You shouldn't be here! You have to do the literature research report till six o'clock. It's four already."

"No." Emily calmly shook her head.

When Micah tried to protest again Emily put her hand over his mouth.

"I'm right where I should be. So shut up." She let her palm slide down from his lips.

"But you'll never get the assignment finished in time. This could take a few more hours." he gestured towards the screen.

"I don't care. I don't care about being Dr. Bandari's stupid research assistant. Not as much as the other two and certainly not as much as I want to be here right now."

A lone tear rolled down Micah's cheek unexpectedly and Emily didn't even hesitate as she brushed it away with her thumb.

"It's going to be okay." She said with a small smile.

Micah chuckled. "I almost believe you when you say that."

::

Emily couldn't take it anymore. Micah was either pacing frantically in front of her or tossing around in his chair. And it was driving her crazy. She glanced at the clock on the wall. 18:02. She was well and truly out of the race for research assistant. To hell with it.

Right now Micah had gone back to pacing and was striding up and down in front her, checking in on the OR at every turn he made. She had to do something. If not to keep his mind of his mother then to keep him from driving her crazy with his impatience.

"Why were you so mad at me?"

The question startled him enough to make him halt in his movements. "What?"

"When I came in, you were very angry. And I don't know if you're just on edge because of your Mom or because…" She took a deep breath. "Or because I've done something to make you mad at me."

She really wanted to know.

Micah averted his gaze before resuming his pacing. When he passed her again he stopped and looked down at her.

"Why don't you want the position as research assistant anymore?"

"I asked first." Emily pointed out.

"Tell me anyway."

Emily sighed and rolled her eyes. Well, it was better than the pacing. "Because I didn't like what it made out of me. When Will and Cassandra had to criticize me they were brutally honest and it sucked. I don't care about Cassandra, but Will… We're supposed to be friends. But I don't want to be a ruthless and heartless bitch. That's not who I am."

Micah sank into the chair adjacent to hers. "I wasn't mad at you. I was…" He trailed of, as of searching for the right words. "Will is an idiot."

Emily looked at him in surprise. That was the most opinionated thing he had ever said about one of the other interns.

"You are so afraid of what he thinks of you that you're reduced to a blabbering mess around him. He's just another guy. He's not even that good of a doctor. Theoretically yes, he knows a lot. But he doesn't have what it takes to connect to his patients. He's insensitive and arrogant and judgmental and calculating. And you…"

Micah laughed to himself and shook his head. He leant forward and braced his elbows on his knees, holding his head. "Forget it. I'm tired and stressed out."

"Tell me, please." Emily insisted. "It might be the nicest thing anyone's said to me this week. And in my defense I'm apparently completely useless when it comes to men. Or that's what Tyra says.

Micah chuckled. "You're doing fine with me." He said with a sideways glance at her.

"Sure." Emily played along. "If you don't count the instances where you keep your professional distance from me for a few weeks or yell at me when I want to keep you company."

"I'm sorry." Micah sat back up abruptly but kept looking down at his hands. "That was not your fault. Both times."

Emily turned to look at him and caught his eyes. Micah reached over and covered her hand with his, squeezing it gently.

"I'm glad you're here."

Emily nodded, noting that he hadn't let go of her hand. She turned hers around, twined her fingers through his and squeezed back for a moment.

"You still haven't told me why you were so mad at me."

Micah tried to pull his hand back but Emily held on tightly. He looked up at her, surprised by her persistency.

"I did. It's because Will is an idiot." When he saw the confusion on her face he sighed. He closed his eyes as if trying to compose himself but when he finally looked at her again there was only honesty, his feelings for once completely open to her. "He's a complete moron. And yet… you have this crush on him. And he doesn't even realize it."

"He knows."

"What?" He looked at her even more surprised now.

Emily could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. "In one of my not so glorious moments I told him. Ages ago. And he rejected me."

"Well, then he is even more stupid than I thought." Micah said softly. "He doesn't deserve you."

Emily's eyes widened in shock and surprise. "But.." She didn't know what to say. Was happening what she thought was happening?

Micah sighed almost inaudibly and averted his eyes. He leant back in his seat and tried to take his hand back. But Emily held on and pulled him back into her space. Might as well go with her gut now.

"Micah."

A small smile played around his lips as he looked at her with a piercing gaze. There was such longing and affection there that she wavered slightly. As if having made up his mind he boldly cupped her jaw with his free hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He had to smile at her awed expression. But when he leaned further in, she did too and Micah took that as incentive to lightly press his lips against hers.

He'd simply wanted to prove a point but he hadn't counted on the warmth of her mouth, her ready response to a simple kiss. He'd swear she even whimpered a little as his tongue gently caressed her lower lip. They drew back simultaneously. Emily's eyes opened instantly and she searched his face for something. Anything. It was all there.

"I have to think about this." She said softly.

"I know. It's what you do." Micah smiled faintly. "Take all the time you-"

His words were interrupted by the sudden onslaught of machines going crazy on the screen. Emily turned around to watch what was happening. All she could make out in the operating field was blood oozing out of the deep recesses of Joyce's abdomen while the heart monitor showed a decreasing heartbeat and rapidly falling blood pressure.

"What happened?"

She turned to see Micah storming towards the door and realized too late what he was up to.

"Micah, no!" She ran after him, out the door and down the corridor towards the stairwell. She chased him down a flight of stairs, all the while calling after him. "Micah, stop!"

She caught up with him at the door to the OR ward only because he fumbled with his electronic key card. Emily moved in front of him, blocking the door with her body.

"Let me through!"

"I can't do that." She shook her head.

"I have to get in there!"

Emily just looked at him and was surprised by the restraint he showed. She could see how desperate he was to get in there but he had yet to try and remove her forcefully.

"I know you're scared." Micah just huffed and rubbed his hands through his hair. "But you won't help Dr. Addison by storming in there. He's doing everything he can."

Micah nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I will go in." Emily said, her complete certainty audible in her voice. "I will go in and check on her. I'll come back out and tell you what's going on and then you will leave and wait somewhere else." She could see the tears gathering in his eyes. "I will make sure she's okay." That she wasn't already dead.

Micah nodded his consent. "Okay."

"But you have to leave." Emily insisted.

"No."

"Yes. I'll check now, but for the rest of the procedure you'll just wait somewhere else. I'll come find you when it's over."

Two minutes later Emily pushed through the door to the OR just putting her surgical mask in place and at once relieved to hear the steady rhythm of the heart monitor.

Dr. Addison turned around and looked at her in surprise. Although it was nothing compared to Emily's surprise as she spotted Dr. Bandari across the operating table.

"Dr. Owens. Are you lost?" Dr. Addison asked.

"No." She shook her head.

"Good. Then I trust you'll find your way out of my OR."

"Dr. Addison, I'm sorry but I can't leave."

"You can't?" He asked drily and shot Dr. Bandari a look.

"No. And it's either me, just standing here and not getting in your way or Dr. Barnes himself."

Dr. Addison sighed. "Alright then. Make yourself comfortable."

::

Emily found him on the roof, standing close to the edge and watching the proceedings down in the parking lot. He turned his head when he heard the door, but seeing that it was her turned back to watch the usual chaos playing out down below.

She walked up to him and stood next to him, watching an ambulance pull up. The cool night air was a welcome change from the stifling OR.

"I'm not sure I want to know."

"Okay." Emily said softly.

"Just give me a minute."

One last minute where he was oblivious to it all. One more minute with the endless possibilities provided by _not knowing_. She would have waited a hundred minutes if it meant she could spare him the pain of what she had to tell him. Dr. Addison had offered to do it but she had insisted. Not only was Joyce her friend, but also her patient. This was something she had to do.

"Okay." He turned to look at her with expectant eyes. "Tell me."

Emily took a deep breath and concentrated on the facts first. "She's in the ICU and she's awake and would like to see you."

A wide smile broke out on Micah's face and he let go of a huge breath, grabbing hold of her upper arms. "The surgery went well, then?"

Emily looked down for a second. "Yes."

Micah immediately caught in to her reserved tone. "What is it? What are you not telling me?"

Emily hesitated. They should have done this somewhere else, where they could have sat down. But it probably wouldn't make a difference, she pondered.

"Just tell me."

"The tumor mass was more perfused than the CT let on and while they were able to cut out most of it and repair a tear in the aorta, it came to a hemorrhagic event." She took a deep breath, hoping to find the right words. Knowing there weren't any. "Your mother's in septic shock right now. Her liver and her kidneys are failing."

For only a nanosecond it was so quiet Emily would have probably heard a pin drop. Then came his sharp intake of breath.

"She's dying?" Micah took a few staggering steps backwards and shook his head in disbelief.

Emily nodded, blinking rapidly against the growing burning in her eyes.

"No." Micah walked further away from her. "No, you're wrong. She can't die."

"Micah." Emily took a step in his direction.

"No! You stay right there!" Emily could see the tears streaming down his cheeks and was momentarily taken aback by his anger. "She is not dying."

Emily didn't know if he was talking to her or himself. She wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to brave herself. This was not about her. This was about the man she… She what, exactly?

Screw it.

She walked over to him, ignoring his pleas with her and just wound her arms around him, clutching him to herself. After a few seconds, she could feel the fight leaving him as he sagged against her. His arms came around her back to hold on to her. Her hand moved to the back of his neck and caressed his hair while holding him close.

"It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay." She murmured it over and over in a soothing tone, hoping to somehow ease the weight on his shoulders. She could feel his head shaking in the nape of her neck.

"No." He rasped out. "It's not."

He drew back a few moments later and avoided her gaze while he wiped the tears from his face. Emily didn't back away.

"It's not okay. I have to tell my mother that she's dying. How… How am I supposed to do that?"

Emily shook her head. "You don't have to. I told her."

"You did?" Micah looked at her in surprise.

She nodded. "She knows and she wants to see you."

Micah took a deep breath and nodded. "Are you coming, too?" He asked timidly.

"I already…" Said my goodbyes. "If you want me to, I will." She said instead.

"I think I'd like that for a bit."

::

Micah took a last look at the now empty room. He walked out, over towards the nurses' desk to sign the last papers. They had taken his mother down to the morgue an hour ago and he had showered and had a change of clothes.

Brenda, the nurse on night shift, shot him a sympathetic smile.

He tried to return it before leaving in the direction of the elevator.

"Dr. Barnes!"

He turned back around at Brenda's soft call.

"Dr. Owens asked me to remind you that she's waiting in the doctor's lounge." She told him with a knowing and understanding glance.

He huffed in surprise and nodded his thanks before turning in that direction. Sure, she'd told him she would still be here but that had been hours ago and he thought she'd gone home by now. It was already 03:18.

He gently opened the door to the lounge and even had to smile as he saw her fast asleep on the couch. He sat his bag down by the counter and walked over to her, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her.

His eyes burned and his throat closed at the thought of what his mother had said not three hours ago. They had talked about everything and nothing until there was nothing left to talk about. He had just sat with her and held her hand when it suddenly came to him.

"_Mom."_

"_Hm?" She was tired. So infinitely tired._

"_I kissed Emily."_

"_What?" That roused her from her half-sleep and she smiled softly at him._

"_I kissed Emily." He even had to laugh at that thought. The whole thing seemed to be a million miles away by now. His mother softly joined in on his laughter. _

"_You haven't said something like that-" She had to pause to take a deep breath. "Since you were 8 years old and came home from school telling me that you had kissed Hannah Simmons."_

_Micah smiled. "Well, she was the prettiest girl in school."_

"_And you were just as proud back then." Micah smiled sheepishly. "So? What does that mean?"_

"_I don't know. The jury is still out."_

_His mother smiled at him and patted his hand. "Just don't screw it up."_

He wasn't planning to.

He gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "Emily."

She was awake instantly and sat up. He could see the tear streaks on her face in the dim light.

"Micah, is it…"

"Yes. It's over."

Emily reached for his hands and caressed them gently. "I'm so sorry, Micah."

"She died about two hours ago." He sniffed. "She's dead. My mother is dead." He laughed for a few seconds in disbelief before the harsh reality caught up with him and his laughs turned into sobs. His tears were freely running down his cheeks.

Emily pulled on his hands until he got up from the coffee table and sat down next to her, seeking comfort in her arms. She held him against her as his tears soaked through her shirt.

::

Emily looked up startled as the door to the lounge opened. She squinted into the half light of dawn and glanced at the clock. 5:34. They'd been sitting here for two hours. She looked at Micah next to her. He was sitting close to her, sprawled back into the cushions, his whole body turned in her direction. Even in sleep his hand clasped hers tightly. It was an oddly intimate position but right now she couldn't care less. She was exhausted and surely nobody coming in at this hour would give a damn.

She turned around to see who had come in only to suddenly do care about their position.

"Dr. Hamata."

"I'm sorry." She looked equally as uncomfortable. "I didn't know you were in here." Emily could see her eyes drifting to Micah's sleeping form and their clasped hands in her lap.

"This is not… We're not…"

"It's okay." Kelly said with a tight smile.

"No." Emily insisted. "His mother died a few hours ago. We're really not…" She trailed of but Kelly got the idea.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." She smiled and turned back towards the door.

"Dr. Owens."

Emily turned back to her.

"It would be okay. You know if you two…" She trailed of, sparing them both the embarrassment. "And hey." She added with a wink. "Another reason not to go into OB. The little beasts pop out any time of the day."

Emily chuckled, grateful to the older woman for diffusing the awkward situation. She turned back to Micah, watching him sleep for a moment longer. It was time, she decided and tugged on his hand.

"Micah. Wake up." She said softly.

"Hm." He slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up. "Uh, sorry." He released her hand from his to rub his hands over his face.

"It's okay."

"What time is it?"

"Quarter to six. I thought maybe you should go home before everyone else gets here."

He nodded. "What about you?"

"Rounds start at seven. I'll just grab a shower and fill up on caffeine." She smirked.

"I'm so sorry, Emily. You have to be exhausted and it's all my fault."

"Don't worry. I don't have an operation scheduled today. And I doubt I will be assigned to any after not handing in my research report yesterday."

Micah looked down at his hands and Emily could see the guilt gnawing at him.

"Hey." She laid a hand on his shoulder. "None of this is your fault. You should go and get some rest."

He nodded and looked up at her with tired and hollow eyes. "Thank you, Emily. It really meant a lot to me."

She smiled softly at him before getting up and offering him her hand. He took it and she pulled him up. Together they made their way over to the door.

"Hey, Micah?"

"Hm?"He turned around again.

"Did you break up with Kelly because of me?" She rushed the words out, feeling foolish for even thinking it and even more so for voicing it out loud. She blamed her exhaustion.

"What?"

"It's just… she was in here a few minutes ago and she's so nice and kind and really pretty and I just wondered-"

"Yes. " His confident answer stopped her rambling.

"Oh."

Micah didn't say anything else and just walked out, leaving the door open for her to follow.

Emily shook her head. What the hell was wrong with her? His mother had just died. And they had been mourning her together, holding hands for the last few hours, she reminded herself.

"Micah, I'm-" her apology got stuck in her craw. Dr. Bandari was standing a few yards away, watching them come out of the doctor's lounge together with raised eyebrows.

She looked at her with wide eyes, not knowing what to say. Before she could do anything Micah had grabbed her upper arm and was pulling her along, away from Dr. Bandari's curious gaze.

"Go take a shower, Emily. And please don't be late for rounds." He gently smiled at her. "For both our sakes."

* * *

**I know I'm a bit out of practice, but I hope you enjoyed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for your kind reviews. They do make a difference.**

* * *

Emily tried to keep up during rounds, but she kept lagging behind the group as the interns chased Dr. Bandari from patient to patient.

"You look horrible." Tyra murmured next to her. "What the hell happened to you?"

Emily looked at her in surprise. "You haven't heard?"

Tyra shook her head.

"Micah's mom died last night."

"Shit. That sucks." Tyra cursed just as the entered the last patient's room. Emily quickly draw to the back of the group with the clear intention to fly as deep under the radar as possible today. Especially after her encounter with Dr. Bandari earlier this morning.

Rounds ended unceremoniously the nurses' station.

"Dr. Barnes has taken a few personal days. That does not mean you can come to me with your problems. I actually expect to see as little of you as possible." Dr. Bandari announced with a sideways glance at Dr. Aquino. "Dr. Aquino will be supervising you in Dr. Barnes' absence. Dr. Owens will handle all discharges today so feel free to refer your paperwork to her."

"Ouch, Pits. Was your research report that bad?" Cassandra couldn't help but butt in as soon as Dr. Bandari had left and Dr. Aquino started assigning the new patients. Emily just glared at her, too tired to come up with a response. The truth was that she was relieved and oddly grateful. And she didn't even think it was meant as a punishment. She was exhausted after staying up most of the night and Dr. Bandari knew that. She couldn't handle an operation today, even if she wanted to. Maybe there was a heart in there somewhere, Emily pondered.

She just reminded herself of what Micah had said to her before leaving earlier this morning. Don't talk to her. Don't explain yourself. Don't draw her attention.

"Must have been." She just said to Cassandra with a shrug. She was not wiling to put up with her. Not today.

"Come on, it can't have been that bad." Will remarked with a friendly nudge.

"Hm." Emily smiled noncommittally. Funny. Ever since Micah had made his feelings about Will clear, Emily's view of him had gotten a few cracks. The picture was somehow tainted. Sure, she had known all along that Will wasn't perfect. But now that his flaws had been so blatantly pointed out to her, they were harder to ignore. And her feelings for him had somehow cooled down considerably.

"Leave her alone." Tyra came to her rescue and linked arms with her. "Come on." She said and pulled Emily along, leaving Cassandra and Will behind with confused expressions.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked.

"To the roof. You need some fresh air and sunlight to stay awake. At least until lunch break."

Emily agreed.

"Dr. Owens."

The two stopped abruptly at the authoritarian voice.

"I'll just go ahead and you catch up." Tyra said and patted her arm before making herself scarce. Emily watched her leave with envy before she braced herself and turned around.

"Dr. Bandari." She knew their encounter this morning would have consequences. Even if Gina liked Micah, she hated her. Okay. Don't talk to her. Don't try to explain. Don't draw her attention.

"Due to circumstances, I'll make an exception. But I want you to know that that's the only one you'll ever get from me."

Emily just raised her eyebrows. What? Okay. Don't talk. Don't explain. Don't draw attention. She nodded.

"You'll have until tomorrow, 12 o'clock."

"What?" Dammit. Don't _talk_.

"To hand in your research report. After you caught some sleep."

Emily felt herself nod in understanding. Or what she hoped was understanding. Did she just get a free pass to hand in her work late? Don't talk. Don't explain. Don't draw attention.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I have a mother, too, you know." Dr. Bandari said with raised eyebrows.

"No, I meant thank you, but no."

"No?" Dr. Bandari's eyebrows almost hit the ceiling. "You're already finished then?"

"No, but I won't need the time. I appreciate what you're doing but I don't want the position anymore."

"And why's that? Surely not because of what your colleagues said about you?"

Was Dr. Bandari actually talking to her?

"No, it's not because of that. I'm sure it wasn't anything you didn't already know."

"Enlighten me then, Dr. Owens."

She wanted the truth? "You don't like me and I'm terrified of you. So I'm saving us both and mostly myself the potential misery of working too closely together."

Emily wasn't sure, but was that a smile on Dr. Bandari's face? It couldn't be, right?!

Dr. Bandari nodded and turned to leave, before suddenly turning around again. "You should think about it. 12 o'clock, tomorrow. Preferably _after_ you've had some sleep. But maybe you should cut back on sleep more often. It makes you refreshingly honest and straight-forward."

::

"She. Did. Not. Say that!" Tyra nearly screamed in excitement.

"Yes." Emily cringed. "She did."

God. What had she been thinking? She couldn't just talk back do _Dr. Bandari_ like that.

Tyra just laughed. "I know you can't really grasp it since you haven't slept in over 24 hours but this is awesome!"

Somehow Emily didn't think so. Maybe she should get some sleep. Just five minutes, here in the deckchair would do wonders for her. No. Couldn't sleep. She'd never get up again. At least not in the next twelve hours.

"There's something else I have to tell you."

"Okay." Tyra grinned. "Is it as awesome as Gina giving you a free pass?"

"No. It's better. Well, at least I think it might be. I'm not sure."

"Okay, okay. Enough with the rambling. Just tell me."

Emily took a deep breath. "You can't tell anyone."

"Relax, who am I going to tell?"

"Hot Molly, Bobby, your facebook friends, your Twitter followers… I don't care. Just-"

"Okay." Tyra interrupted her and held up her hands. "I won't tell anyone. Do you want me to pinky swear on it?"

Emily just looked about ready to suggest that.

"Wait." Tyra became somber. "You're being serious."

Emily nodded. "Not anyone in a million years. Even if I piss you off and you join forces with Cassandra, you can't use this against me."

"Okay." Tyra nodded solemnly. "I promise."

Emily took a deep breath. She knew the best way to keep a secret was to keep it to herself. Had learned it the hard way even. A few times if she was honest. But she just had to tell someone. And the awful truth was, she didn't have anyone else.

"Micah kissed me."

Tyra's eyes grew as big as saucers and she coughed on the coffee she had just been drinking. "Come again?"

"Micah… kissed me. " Emily said with an anxious smile.

"When the hell was that? Where the hell was I?"

"Last night." Emily said with a small voice.

"After his mom…?"

"No!" Emily quickly shook her head. "God, no. Before. We had a fight or an argument, I don't know. And then he said that Will was idiot and didn't deserve my feelings for him and then…" Emily trailed off.

"And then he kissed you." Tyra said appreciatively.

Emily nodded dazedly.

"Well did you kiss him back?" Her friend asked with a suggestive smile.

"Kind of."

"And are we happy about the kiss or…"

Emily shrugged. "I don't know. I guess."

"You guess?"

"No. I'm sure. I think."

"Emily." Tyra walked up to her and took her hands. "Do you like Micah?"

"You know I do."

"Yes, but do you like him enough?"

"Enough for what?" Emily asked confusedly.

"Look, here's the deal. Micah is a really nice guy as far as I can tell and it seems as if he genuinely likes you. Otherwise he wouldn't get himself into this mess that is your life. But his mom just died yesterday. Do you like him enough not to lead him on?"

"I would never do that to him."

"I know you wouldn't. But see, not a week ago it was all Will this and Will that. That guy couldn't do any wrong. And suddenly that's over? Just like that?"

::

"Okay so what did you do?"

Emily looked up from her pile of charts at the nurses' desk to meet Dr. Aquino's curious gaze.

"Huh?"

"What did you do? Because you must have messed up pretty bad if she assigns all the discharges to you."

"Nothing." Emily tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible.

"Come on. You can tell me. She hates me too, after all."

Emily looked around and saw that no one was in listening distance. Though you could never be sure around here. Sometimes you'd think the walls had ears. She wondered if she could tell him the truth. That Dr. Bandari was actually taking it easy on her for a change.

"Don't know." Emily shrugged, not quite trusting him yet.

"You're terrible at lying, I hope you know that." AJ teased her with a twinkle in his eyes.

Emily just shot him a glare and grabbed the next file, hoping to send her message across loud and clear. It didn't work.

"So, Dr. Owens. I heard you have a crush on one of your colleagues."

Her eyes widened in horror and she gripped her pen tightly. Please stop talking_. Just shut up. Right now._

She looked up to find him looking at her rather impressed.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" She cringed.

"Yes." He affirmed with a wide smile. "But don't worry, I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Emily just closed her eyes for a second, willing this day to be over.

"So, about that crush…"

"Which one are we talking about? It varies, depending on whom you talked to." Her eyes widened in horror. What was wrong with her? First Dr. Bandari and now Dr. Aquino? Was there no more barrier between her brain and her mouth?

AJ just laughed. "Dr. Owens, I take my hat off to you." He made a ridiculous gesture with his hand. "Micah said you were a nice girl but I can see now, that my friend's obviously been misinformed."

Emily didn't think she could be anymore embarassed than right now. The knuckles around her pen had turned white. Micah had said that? Wait. They'd been talking about her?

"What else has Micah been telling you? I hope only the good stuff." Cassandra commented snappishly as she suddenly sidled up to them and winked at Emily.

Emily for her part just wanted to disappear. Right now. If Cassandra thought she was flirting with AJ…She couldn't event think about it.

"I'm not sure." AJ addressed Cassandra. "Seems he wasn't privy to the sensitive stuff. What can you tell me, Dr. Kopelson?"

"Hey." Emily intervened. "I'm still here and I can hear you talking about me."

"Alright, grumpy pants. Just came over to give you my patients' discharge papers." Cassandra said _sweetly _and dumped three charts on Emily's pile. "I have to go anyway. But please feel free to refer to me, Dr. Aquino. Emily and I have been friends since high school, after all."

Emily looked after her as she sauntered off and let go of a huge breath.

"We've not been friends." She clarified, as soon as Cassandra was around the corner.

AJ just laughed his toothpaste smile. "She's a bit of trouble, isn't she?"

Emily narrowed her eyes at him and decided to stick to her cardinal rules for today. Maybe for life even. Don't talk. Don't explain. Don't draw attention.

"So, seriously. How are you?"

"What?"

AJ looked around before leaning in closer. "Micah's mom. You were close, right?"

So word had gotten around then.

"Well, I wouldn't say close. I like-" She did a double take. "I liked her. I liked her very much."

"I'm sorry." AJ said seriously. "She liked you too, from what Micah told me. Did you see him?"

Emily gave a small nod. "Briefly before rounds this morning." See, she could lie. As long as it was paired with mostly the truth.

"How was he? I tried calling him but his phone's been turned off."

Why was he asking her? What was she even supposed to say? Emily reminded herself that she was talking to one of Micah's friends and kept her unusually lose tongue in check. "Well, his mother just died. So he was miserable. But he pretended to be fine." She said quietly.

AJ shot her a grim smile. "Yeah, I'm sorry, stupid question."

He left her alone after Sunny handed him a file and Emily watched him leave with mixed feelings before focusing on her chart again. Seriously, were they discharging the whole hospital today? This was not even a surgery patient.

"So." Sunny suddenly chimed up next to her. "Dr. Aquino, huh? Way to go, Dr. Owens. He is trouble, but it's wrapped in a nice package."

Emily just smiled noncommittally until it hit her. Wait. If Sunny thought she had been flirting with AJ then the entire hospital would soon know. Including Micah. And Will. She groaned inwardly. Not two weeks ago she would have gladly taken the gossip in her hopes of making Will jealous. And now she was worried about what Micah would think? What the hell was wrong with her?

::

Emily just wanted to go and take a shower when there was a knock at her door. What now, she thought as she made her way over to open the door.

"Micah."

He smiled sheepishly at her, his hands tucked deep into his pockets. "Hi."

"Oh, sorry." Emily opened the door further. "Come in."

"Thanks." Micah said and quickly took in the semi-tidy state of her living room. "I don't want to interrupt anything. Did you have plans? It smells like really good food in here."

Emily chuckled. "No, that's alright. I was just making dinner."

"Oh." Micah gestured towards the door, but Emily stopped him with a shake of her head.

"For you, actually." She confessed bashfully.

"What?" He looked at her surprised.

Emily shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to do something, anything. And I had no idea what to do. I didn't know if you wanted company or if you wanted to be left alone or even if you would want my company. So I thought I'd stop by your place and bring you dinner. And then I could leave again." She told him, unsure of his reaction.

Micah smiled at her with a mesmerized look on her face.

"What?" Emily asked unconfidently.

"Nothing." He shook his head. "I just… I was at home and my sister got here a few hours ago and my aunt is here. And I… I just couldn't stay there any longer. They were driving me crazy."

"That's okay." Emily smiled at him.

"And I came here because I wanted to explain about last night." He added hesitantly.

"Oh."

Right. Because a nice guy like Micah would never go for a dork like her under normal circumstances. It had happened in the heat of the moment after all. He'd been stressed out and worried and scared and it… had just happened. No reason to read too much into it. She just hadn't expected that realization to hurt this much. Not expected at all.

He nervously shifted around. "I know you tend to over-think some things. Or most of them actually." He nervously huffed. "So I just want you to know that I like you. And when all of this has died down, I'd like to go out with you. And I really hope it's going to be more than just one date."

"So last night…" Emily asked timidly, referring to their shared kiss.

"I'd actually like to repeat that in the near future."

Emily had to smile at that and Micah responded in kind, his cheeks slightly tinged . "Anyway. I should go and leave you alone." He turned around and was halfway through the door when Emily found her voice again.

"Do you want to stay?"

He turned back around and she suddenly had a hard time reading him. His sadness covered everything else, even if he tried to put on a brave face.

"I mean you said your family is driving you crazy." Emily explained.

"I'm not the best company right now." He pointed out.

She smiled shyly. "Well. I made you dinner already, it would only be fair that you get to eat it, too."

Micah chuckled. "If you put it like that, Dr. Owens, I'll gladly stay."

"Good." She beamed. "Dinner should be ready in five, let me check."

Micah closed the door again and took of his jacket, watching her walk to the kitchen.

"Is that… are you wearing scrub pants?" He asked incredulously.

"Hey." Emily turned around with mock offense. "Don't judge it, until you tried it. No seriously," she said as she handed him plates and cutlery to set the table. "I had a hole in my pants and couldn't wear them anymore, so I just kept these on."

Micah nodded at her and waited for her to continue.

"And then I just kept them, because they truly are comfortable." She admitted and Micah had to snort. "Anyway, I just wear them at home."

"It's okay." Micah admitted. "I have one or two pairs at home, too."

"See!" Emily triumphed as she brought dinner over to the table.

"Oh my God." Micah said fifteen minutes later. They had enjoyed their food in relative silence. "I'm normally not so quick to judge, but this is probably the best lasagna I have ever tasted." He declared and helped himself to another serving.

Emily smiled bashfully and took another bite herself to look away from his expressive eyes. When she looked up again he was still gazing at her with a faint smile.

"What?"

He shook himself out of his reverie. "Nothing. Just didn't know you could cook."

Emily shrugged. "We only just met, Dr. Barnes. You didn't think you knew everything about me, did you?"

Micah smiled in response to hearing his own words thrown back at him. "Touché."

"Anyway. It's more like a stress relief thing. So, tell me about your sister." Emily changed the subject.

"What do you want to know?"

Emily shrugged. "What's her name?"

"Chloe. And she's a pain in the ass."

"Well, from what I've heard, siblings are supposed to be." She smiled understandingly.

Micah nodded. "She's a few years older than me and she constantly bosses me around. Always has. And you'd think it would stop when you become a hotshot doctor and have great responsibilities in life. But I guess to her I'll always be her baby brother."

Emily winced. "That bad?"

"She was head cheerleader and I was a mathlete. So yes." Micah said with a chuckle.

"What does she do?"

"She's an event planner in Boston. Which means she gets to boss people around all the time. And which is why she couldn't make it here in time."

"How is she handling it?" Emily asked delicately.

"Better than me, I'm afraid." Micah said, his voice choked with sudden tears.

"Hey." Emily covered his hands with hers on the table. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, its alright. My mom died. No sense pretending it didn't happen." He cleared his throat.

"Yes, but I was out of line."

"No." He looked at her intently. "It's okay. You cared about her, too."

They were interrupted by his cell phone going off in his jacket and Emily busied herself with clearing the table while he got up to get it. But instead of answering it Micah let it go to voicemail.

"Avoiding your sister?"

"No." He grimaced. "AJ." he followed her to the sofa and they sat down. At her questioning look he elaborated. "He called while we were at the funeral home and left a message. Said that he was sorry about my mom and that we'd get drunk tonight."

Emily had to laugh quietly with him. She had only known Dr. Aquino for a few weeks but could actually imagine him saying something like that. "Not interested?"

Micah shrugged. "Not tonight, actually. But I might take him up on the offer."

Emily hesitated before she summoned up all her courage. "Micah, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something's going on with you and it's not just your mom. I mean your sister is here in town, you both lost your mother… what are you doing here?"

Micah looked down at his lap and swallowed before looking up at her again with tears brimming in his eyes. "I'm… uh." He huffed and cleared his throat.

"Hey." Emily said and gently squeezed his hand. "It's just me."

He gave her a teary smile. "Actually I'm afraid that Chloe is blaming me."

"Blaming you for what? Has she said anything?"

Micah shook his head no. "For lulling her into a false sense of security. Letting her believe that Mom would actually get better, when we both know she wasn't going to."

"Micah, you don't know that." Emily quickly tried to reassure him and scooted closer on the sofa to catch his gaze. "If the tumor hadn't infiltrated the aorta and with another round of chemo, who knows what would have happened."

"But I _should have known_." Micah insisted. "I'm a doctor. I should have known that pancreatic cancer at such an advanced stage is impossible to beat. I shouldn't have given everyone around me false hope." He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath, clearly trying to will his tears away.

Emily had a hard time doing that herself when she wrapped her arms around him and held him while he silently sobbed into his hands. She felt his shoulder shaking under her arms.

"Micah." She softly whispered as she leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "It's okay." She ignored her own tears making their way down her cheeks. "No one is blaming you. No one. And you shouldn't blame yourself either."

His shoulders stopped shaking a few minutes later and Emily let go of him when Micah sniffed quietly. He turned his head and looked at her with a teary gaze.

"It's not your fault." Emily said softly, just to get it into his head.

Micah nodded. "Yeah. But right now it feels like it."

"Well, it's not. And I'll tell you that as often as I have to if that's what it takes."

He smiled at her, completely in awe. "You would actually do it, wouldn't you."

"Yes." Emily said confidently.

His phone started ringing again and he sighed while pulling it out of his pocket. "That's Chloe. I should get going, she's probably tearing my place apart right now."

Emily nodded and followed him to the door. "If there's anything I can do for you. Well, all you have to do is ask."

Micah nodded. "Thank you. For dinner and for everything else."

Emily made a quick decision while he opened the door. "Actually, there's something."

He turned around and looked at her in anticipation.

"I don't think it was false hope." She said quietly, meeting his gaze head-on. "You gave them hope. And I think having hope is a lot better than having nothing."

Micah closed his eyes for a moment and Emily was afraid she'd said too much when she saw a small smile growing on his face. He opened his eyes again and Emily was taken aback by his serious and yet adoring expression.

He took two steps in her direction, enough to breach her personal space. His gaze swept over her face, flickered down to her lips and back up to her eyes again. Emily didn't miss it.

His voice was hoarse when he spoke.

"You amaze me."

Emily blinked in surprise at his words and put a hand against his chest. For a moment he was afraid she was going to push him away. Instead she surprised them both by grabbing a hold of his shirt and pulling him closer. He smirked against her lips, his breath fanning out over her face. He could see her roll her eyes at him before she closed them, erasing the last distance between them with a little tug on his shirt so their lips would meet.

His hands wound around her waist, drawing her nearer as he deepened the kiss. One of Emily's hands travelled over his chest and shoulders to the back of his neck, playing with his soft hair, while the other came to rest between his shoulder blades. She leaned into him, sighing when he changed the angle of his mouth, which only made him clasp her waist tighter.

They drew back eventually and Micah reluctantly let go of her as Emily drew back her hands. She was at a loss. For words. For clear thoughts. This was not what she had expected. She hadn't actually expected anything because she hadn't planned to kiss Micah. Definitely not planned.

Micah saved her from her whirling thoughts.

"Does this count as a date yet?" He asked mischievously.

Emily had to laugh and hid her face in her hands in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't-"

"Hey." Micah interrupted her and gently pried her hands away from her face. "Please don't be sorry. I'm not."

Emily swallowed her anxiety and nodded. "Okay. But no. This doesn't count."

He looked at her in confusion.

"Today is the day your mother died." Emily said softly, hating herself for reminding him of that. "And I think that's enough for one day."


	3. Chapter 3

Emily headed out of her patient's room, her thoughts already drifting to the operation she was scheduled for later today. Another one with AJ and Dr. Bandari. She loved being in the OR. She really did. And she supposed AJ was a nice enough guy. But assisting with the two of them was just plain uncomfortable for some reason.

"I've been waiting here for an hour already. So why can't this Dr. Owens be bothered to show up?"

Emily stopped dead in her tracks and took a careful look at the woman at the nurses' desk from a few feet away. Mid-thirties if she had to take a guess. Dark hair styled perfectly, Emily noted with some envy and a leather jacket and jeans that accentuated her over-all good looks. She had no idea who she was. And judging by her angry outburst the woman hadn't made any friends while waiting for her. Emily glanced down at her pager. Nope. No one had tried to reach her.

Darleen, the head nurse, shot Emily a quick look over the woman's shoulder. "Dr. Owens is in surgery. She's terribly busy. I'm sorry." She sounded anything but.

Emily shot her a disapproving look and Darleen's answering shrug was barely noticeable. "Oh look, here she is." She said with false cheer and immediately turned away to attend other matters.

Emily stepped forward and forced a smile onto her face, as the stranger whirled around to her. "Hi, I'm Dr. Owens. How can I help you?"

"I want to talk to you about my mother."

O-kay. No need to introduce yourself. Emily pulled herself together. "Of course. Is she a patient of mine?"

"She was until recently." The woman said with a clenched jaw.

"Well, what's her name?" Emily asked, smiling weakly.

"Joyce Barnes."

Emily did a double take.

And another.

Micah's sister.

"Of course. You must be Chloe. It's nice to meet you." She recovered quickly, now genuinely sympathetic.

"It's Ms Barnes. And could we maybe skip the pleasantries? I've been waiting for too long as it is."

"Yes, of course." Emily said evenly, reminding herself of the terrible loss Chloe had just suffered. But just in case she forgave Micah for calling his sister a pain in the ass. "Let's go somewhere we can talk."

She gestured her along to a secluded waiting area and shot Darleen a desperate and disbelieving look in passing. Darleen just shrugged in return.

Emily sat down across from Micah's sister and took a deep breath. "I don't know what your brother already told you-"

"Never mind him." Chloe interrupted her abruptly. "Just tell me what happened."

"Well, your mother had stage four pancreatic cancer and was cur-"

"I know that." Chloe interrupted her yet again. "I'm not stupid and I know how to use Google. I want to know how she went from being perfectly fine when I talked to her a few days ago to being… dead. What the hell happened?"

Emily thought _perfectly fine_ was a bit of a stretch but thought better than to point that out. She just wanted to explain as she spotted Micah silently coming up behind Chloe. He shook his head and put a finger to his lips, hanging back a few feet away. Emily pulled herself together. _Just treat her like any other grieving relative._

"As I was saying, your mother was undergoing chemotherapy." She carried on with a soft voice, determined not to let herself be bothered by Chloe's attitude. "We did an MRI after her first cycle which showed that the tumor was not shrinking. So your mother's chemo was adapted and she was given more aggressive and radical substances. But the tumor continued growing and started compressing the aorta which put additional stress on your mother's heart."

She quickly glanced at Micah. He was leaning against the wall behind Chloe and met her gaze, nodding slightly for her to continue.

"Your mother's heart was unable to compensate which caused what we call a backward failure. Basically, her heart couldn't pump all the blood it was supposed to, causing it to back up in her lungs. Because of that she developed a lung edema."

"And that's what killed her?" Chloe asked, her tone by now less provoking.

Emily shook her head and risked another glance at Micah. He stood there with a hanging head, eyes closed.

"No. But the lung edema and the progressing heart failure were the deciding factors to operate and try to resect the part of the tumor that was pressing down on the aorta." Emily took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts. She knew understanding what happened was an important part of the grieving process, but this was difficult. Yes, she knew what had happened and so had Micah. But it didn't make it any easier listening to it again.

"When your mother was opened up, it was discovered that the tumor was more perfused than her scans let us believe. Due to her aggressive chemo, she had developed a spontaneous tumor lyses syndrome. It means the chemo was destroying the tumor cells so rapidly, the break down products of the tumor cells couldn't be metabolized quickly enough, causing her kidneys and subsequently her liver to fail. Once something like this happens…" Emily trailed off, clearly seeing the hurt and distress on Chloe's face.

It didn't stop her from lashing out. "So that's it? There's nothing to be done so you just let her die?"

"We did everything we could." Emily said softly. "And I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I don't care how sorry you are! You probably didn't even know her first name!"

"Chloe!" Micah suddenly tried to intervene and stepped forward. "You-"

Chloe spun around to face him. "Shut up, Micah. I don't need empty platitudes from someone who didn't even knew Mom!"

Emily tried to intervene. "Actually, I did know her."

"Of course you did." Chloe mocked her. "You have dozens of patients. If you had known my mother, you would have cared enough not to let her die!"

Micah stepped in between Emily and his sister. "That's enough, Chloe." He said with so much bite he made Emily flinch.

"What are you even doing here?" Chloe snarled.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I should go." Emily piped up and stepped around Micah.

"No, you-" Micah tried to catch her arm, but Emily was quicker and was already halfway to the doorway.

"Yes, I should." She said with a small reassuring smile and a last glance at his sister. "I'll see you later."

"What the hell was that about?" Micah asked his sister as soon as Emily had ducked out.

"I wanted to know what happened to Mom!" Chloe said in a huff.

"You could have asked me!"

"I tried! But you wouldn't tell me!"

"No, you just didn't listen!" Micah said, equally put out.

Chloe took a deep breath. "I'm here now." She said icily. Nothing he could change about that. "And there's another reason I'm here."

"What could that possibly be?" Micah asked unnerved.

"I wanted to meet this Emily."

"What?"

"Oh please, she was all Mom talked about in the last few weeks. And she said you liked her. I thought I might as well meet her."

Micah could have felt like laughing if he wasn't so damn angry with his sister right now. "I don't believe this."

"Why?" Chloe challenged. "I've never met one of your girlfriends."

"She's _not _my girlfriend!" Micah cut in with a strained voice.

"Whatever. Are you going to introduce me or do I have to go find her myself?"

Micah just shook his head in disbelief. "You know what?" He waited an extra beat. "You just met her."

"Seriously? _That_ was Emily? Huh." His sister made a noncommittal sound.

"What?" Micah wanted to know. He didn't care what his sister thought about Emily. He shouldn't. But he dreaded it none the less.

"Nothing. Just from what Mom said I thought she'd be… different."

Micah just shook his head and walked away, leaving his sister in the waiting area.

::

He found Emily on the roof, eyes closed and face turned into the pale afternoon sun. He hesitated by the door, just looking at her as she sat there. He took a deep breath, already feeling himself calm down.

"You don't have to apologize for her."

She hadn't even opened her eyes yet.

"I feel like I do."

Emily turned and looked at him. "It's okay. She just lost her mother."

"Actually, that had nothing to do with it. She's always like this." Micah quipped and joined her by sitting down in one of the deck chairs.

Emily did him the favor and smiled. "I doubt that. She's hurt and angry. I understand that."

"It doesn't excuse her from talking to you like that." Micah said decidedly.

"She's just looking for someone to blame. And if that helps her…" Emily trailed off.

"Maybe, but it shouldn't be you."

"It shouldn't be you either." She pointed out with a knowing look.

Micah just huffed and closed his eyes.

"I've never seen you this angry with anyone." Emily tentatively said.

"Well, then you clearly have never been in the same room as me and my sister." Micah tried to joke. But when he looked at her, he could see that she wasn't amused. He thought she looked more concerned than anything. "I don't want you to think that I don't care about her. I do. It's just… there's just something about her that's driving me crazy every time."

Emily chuckled. "Trust me, I can complete relate to that." She said, thinking about Cassandra and some of her not so fine moments.

They both sat back and enjoyed the moment of peace and quiet. Micah was once more amazed by the effect she had on him. One look at her and he just felt… calmer. At peace. Even more forgiving towards his sister.

Emily caught his eye. "What are you looking at?"

"You." Micah said unabashedly.

Her mouth fell open but she was at a loss for words. She hadn't been prepared for this honesty and certainly not for the intense gaze with which he looked at her. It was captivating. She was saved from having to say something when the door to the roof opened once more. Emily quickly averted her eyes and blinked, hoping to jump start her brain again.

"What are you doing here, man?" AJ asked as he walked up to them. "I thought we'd meet tonight?"

"Forgot my cell phone charger in my locker." Micah said.

AJ smiled at them knowingly and Emily had the sudden urge to leave. Right. Now.

"This is not the locker room." He pointed out playfully as he, too, took a seat.

"I have to go, collect my lab results." Emily said and got up. If the two men suspected anything, they didn't say.

"Did you hand in your review?" Micah asked before she could leave. She had told him about the new deadline during dinner the night before.

"Not yet." Emily admitted. "I still have two hours to decide if I will."

"You should." Micah said emphatically. "And about Chloe-"

"It's okay." Emily halted yet another apology from him. She nodded and left both residents alone on the roof.

AJ immediately started chuckling.

"Shut up." Micah pleaded, hoping to avoid his friend's teasing.

"Hey." AJ said, his hands raised in a defensive gesture. "I'm just saying, this is not the locker room."

Micah shrugged good-naturedly and pulled his cell phone charger from his pocket, proving his point.

::

Emily walked along the corridor, glad to be done with that particular experience. Something about Gina and AJ… She couldn't point her finger at it but she had heard one of the nurses calling it eye sex. And she had to agree. It was just… Gah! She didn't want to think about this.

As she turned the corner she was nearly run over by a little girl in a hospital gown, eager to get away from something. Or someone, Emily thought.

"Hey." Emily held on to the girl's shoulders to keep them both from falling but the girl tried to push away.

"Hey, it's okay." She hold on to the girl's arm a little tighter, which made her flail around even more.

"Let go!" The little one screamed at her, trying to free herself from Emily's grasp. "Let me go! Let me go!" She was becoming more and more hysterical.

Emily crouched down to her height, not relinquishing her hold. "It's alright. Everything's okay. I'm not going to hurt you." She said as softly as possible, hoping to calm her down. "It's okay. No one is going to hurt you." She stroked the girl's arms with her thumbs, not yet daring to let go.

When the girl had stopped struggling against her hold, Emily eased her grip. "Hi there." She gently stroked the dark curls out of her face, seeing her features for the first time. "That's better, isn't it?" Her voice was still soothing as she stroked the tears away from the girl's face. She couldn't be more than five years old.

The girl sniffed and nodded, avoiding Emily's gaze.

"Want to tell me your name?"

She shook her head.

Emily didn't let herself be deterred. "Well, my name is Emily. And if you don't tell me your name, I'll just have to make one up."

The girl just shrugged and sniffed quietly.

"Her name is Jane and she's my patient."

Emily looked up over her shoulder to see Cassandra standing there with hands on her hips and a disapproving look on her face. That at least answered the question who Jane had been running away from.

As soon as Cassandra had made her presence known the little girl had tried to take off again but Emily caught her just in time and held on to her arm. "Hey, it's okay."

"No." Jane said angrily, wriggling and trying to pry Emily's fingers from her arm.

"Jane. Let's go back to your room." Cassandra said with a tired voice and stepped forward. When Emily glared pointedly at her she rolled her eyes before grudgingly crouching down to the girl's level, too. "Hey, Jane. we have to go back now." She said with contrived cheerfulness.

Emily just rolled her eyes and got up. If Cassandra wanted to be all territorial over a patient, she was welcome to do so. Emily just _knew_ that fake friendliness didn't get you anywhere with kids. You either cared or you didn't, the kids probably didn't care much either way. They just didn't want to be lied to.

But instead of trying to get away, Jane suddenly grabbed the sleeve of Emily's white coat, holding on for dear life.

"No, don't leave. Don't leave. Don't leave. Please, please, please." She kept repeating the same thing over and over and Emily shot Cassandra a worried look. And for once, they seemed to have the same opinion.

Emily slung a comforting hand around Jane's shoulders as the little girl wound her arms around Emily's legs. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are. You're leaving." Jane pouted and tightened her grip.

"Well." Emily pried Jane's arms from around her legs, but made sure to hold on to one of her little hands. "I am going to go to your room. And if you don't want me to leave I suppose you will have to come, too."

Jane looked at her with big and expressive brown eyes that immediately reminded Emily of Micah and the way he had looked at her on her couch the night before. Hopeful, but not quite trusting his luck. She shook her head to keep her thoughts from drifting to what happened _after_ he had looked at her like that. Her lips till tingled when she thought about it.

Instead, she used Jane's obvious indecision about what to do and just started walking. The little girl followed her without comment, clasping her hand tightly.

"Congratulations." Cassandra murmured next to her. "You just outsmarted a five year-old."

Emily couldn't believe it. She was the one doing Cassandra a favor right now, after all. "What did you do to her?" She whispered back instead.

"Nothing. I was just trying to examine her." Cassandra hissed. "So stop butting in, she's my patient."

"You lost her!" Emily said between her teeth.

"It's rude to whisper." Jane piped up.

"No, it's not." Cassandra snapped and lead the way into Jane's room.

Emily looked down at the girl and met Jane's eyes. The little girl rolled her eyes at her behind Cassandra's back and Emily had to bite down on her lip to keep from laughing.

"Alright." She let go of Jane's hand in the doorway. "Will you stay here with Cassandra now or do I have to prepare a lookout?"

"What's a lookout?" Jane asked bewilderedly.

"Never mind." Emily smiled.

Cassandra shot her an annoyed look. "Thanks, Emily." She said with false cheer. "We're going to be fine now."

"Will you come back?" Jane asked hopefully.

Emily looked at Cassandra defiantly, before reminding herself that there was a kid present. "Of course I will. But only, if you're a good girl now and behave for my friend Cassandra."

The little girl looked at her with big eyes. "You promise?"

"Yes." Emily smiled. The easiest promise she'd ever made. "I promise."

::

Cassandra found her in the doctor's lounge 30 minutes later where Emily was sitting on the sofa reviewing her charts.

"Just so you know, she's my patient! So stop interfering!" She was in Emily's face as soon as she came through the door.

Emily held up her hands defensively. "I wasn't interfering! She was running away from you and I just stumbled upon her. Actually, I did you a favor."

"Oh please." Cassandra muttered as she got a water bottle from the fridge, slamming the door for good measure. "Just stop barging in on my case."

"I wasn't going to!" Emily said exasperatedly.

"Hey guys." Will greeted them as he came in. He immediately caught on to the tension and looked between them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." - "Emily's hijacking my case." They both said at the same time.

"Would you stop?" Emily asked indignantly. "I'm not hijacking your case."

"Okay. Why don't we take a minute to calm down?" Will said cautiously, his gaze travelling from one woman to the other and back again.

Cassandra just shot him an unreadable look and walked over towards the door. "Just stay away from my case." She slammed the door behind her.

Emily shook her head and took a deep breath. She didn't get it. Will was a nice guy. He really was. How could he date such an arrogant and self-absorbed bitch?

"Is it the kid case?" Will asked as he sat down next to her.

"Yeah." Emily nodded. "Do you know what's wrong with her?"

Will hesitated. "Maybe Cassandra is right, Emily. You shouldn't get involved."

"Will, I don't want to take the case away from her. The girl literally ran into me on the corridor trying to get away from Cassandra. And I'm just curious. But fine, you don't have to tell me. I'll just look it up myself later."

"Emily…" Will took a deep breath and caved in. "She has recurring episodes of fainting and had a few seizures in the last few months. Seems like she was misdiagnosed with epilepsy and now she's here to get it properly checked out."

"Oh." Emily said. "Well, I said I was going to visit her once her exam was done." She got up from the couch and tucked her charts under her arm.

"Wait."

Emily turned back around to see Will grimacing, before he had obviously reached a decision. "Just… Cassandra isn't that good with kids."

Seriously? She hadn't even noticed, Emily thought drily.

"Maybe you should leave her some space with this one, you know."

Emily shook her head. "No, I don't know." If he thought he should get involved in this, he might as well be man enough to spell it out.

Will raked a hand through his short hair. "I mean, don't get too close to the girl?! Please. It would undermine Cassandra."

"Why are you defending her?" Emily asked irritatedly.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Trust me, Cassandra can fight her on battles. I promised a scared little girl with obvious trust and attachment issues I would drop by and say hi because Cassandra can't be bothered to take the time and make her feel comfortable. And that's not something you should make excuses for."

"Emily." Will's plea stopped her in the doorway. "She's my girlfriend."

Emily just shook her head and left.

::

"Hi there." Emily peeked into Jane's room with a smile. "How are you doing?"

"Emily!" The little girl beamed at her, the drama from an hour earlier obviously already forgotten.

Emily walked in, hands behind her back. "So, you still haven't told me your name."

"You know what it is." Jane said, looking at her funny.

"No I don't." Emily pretended. "You haven't told me."

Jane dramatically rolled her eyes before getting up on her knees on the mattress. "My name is Jane. But everybody calls me Janie. I like it better. Except for Bobby, he calls me Jay. And Sarah but she can't say much of anything, because she's still a baby."

Emily couldn't help her wide smile. "Well then, it's nice to meet you Janie." She said and shook Janie's hand. Janie returned the handshake enthusiastically. "So, Cassandra told me you were very brave for the rest of the exam."

Jane nodded wildly. "Yes, I was! I really was, I promised!"

"It's okay, it's alright." Emily reassured her, once more worried about Janie's deviating behavior. "Because here, I have something just for brave little patients." She pulled a chocolate bar out of her coat pocket and Janie's eyes went wide.

"Really?"

Emily nodded and handed it over. She had to smile when Janie eagerly ripped into it. She pulled the wrapping paper off and surprised Emily as she gently broke the bar in halves and held one of them out to her.

"Thank you, Janie. But you can have it all to yourself."

"That's okay." Janie said imperturbably and still held out half the chocolate bar. "I bet you're brave, too. You can have some."

Emily chuckled and took the chocolate from her. "Thank you." She sat down on Janie's bed, letting her feet dangle down the side. "Where are your parents?" She asked conversationally.

Janie just shrugged and busied herself with separating the nuts from the fudge, eating them one by one.

Emily watched her for a second. "Janie, have you been here alone for the whole day?"

Janie shook her head, not letting herself be deterred from her task. "Bobby was here earlier. He brought me my books." She gestured towards the stack of children's books on the nightstand.

"Is Bobby your brother?"

"I guess." Janie said impassively. She had picked the last nut and was now nibbling at the soft fudge.

"There you are, I've been looking all over for you!"

Emily and Jane snapped around to see Tyra coming in, closing the door behind her.

"Sunny said you might be in here. Hi there." She smiled at Janie, before sitting down next to them on the bed. "Hey kid, move over." Janie did as she was told, looking at Tyra with big eyes.

"What's going on?" Emily asked. She grabbed some tissues from the nightstand and started cleaning Janie's chocolate covered face absent-mindedly.

"So, I saw Micah was here earlier." Tyra said suggestively.

"Who's Micah? Is he your boyfriend?" Janie piped up and looked at Emily with excited eyes and even held still as Emily wiped her fingers clean.

Emily for her part just rolled her eyes. "_No_, he's not my boyfriend." She said pointedly.

"Oh." Janie sank back dejectedly. "Why not?"

"Yes, Emily, tell us. Why not?" Tyra joined in with a glint in her eyes.

Emily took a deep breath. "Because." God, she hated how childish that sounded. She should have never told Tyra about the kiss. Never in a million years. It just made her allude to it every chance she got.

Tyra looked the little girl over. "So, what's with you?"

Janie just shrugged. "I keep falling asleep all of the sudden and then I'm on the floor and I can't move and it hurts a lot."

_Seizures_, Emily mouthed at Tyra over Janie's head.

Tyra nodded in understanding and winced. "That's a bummer. I bet that really sucks, huh?"

"Big time." Janie agreed with a deep sigh, making the two adults laugh.

::

AJ slid into the booth across from Micah, handing him one of the beer bottles.

"Thanks." Micah nodded in appreciation. They clinked their bottles and each took a long pull before settling back in comfortable silence.

Taking another long draw AJ thought of a way to broach the subject. "So, why haven't you asked her out yet?"

Micah's brow furrowed as he met his inquisitive stare. "I really don't want to talk about it right now."

"Come on." AJ prodded him. "What else do you want to talk about? Your mother? The flowers for the funeral? Your sister?"

Micah's eyes darted to his beer bottle as he picked at the label. "How about nothing?" He said and looked up again. "I thought we were here to get drunk?"

AJ chuckled. "We're here to get you drunk. So your hangover will distract you from the funeral tomorrow."

"What?" Micah grinned. "And you'd let me drink alone?"

"Hey! I have to work tomorrow. And I can't show up smelling like a frat party."

"Hasn't stopped you before!" Micah remarked with a knowing smile.

"Yeah well…" AJ scratched the back of his head. "That was back then. And it wasn't like I didn't suffer for it. You literally saved my ass that day!"

Micah chuckled at the memory. "The chief was ready to rip you a new one right in the OR. What was I supposed to do?"

They laughed at the memory, fondly remembering what they had already been through together.

"You want another?" Micah asked and got up from the booth.

::

"Hey! Emily, wait up!"

She turned around in the parking lot to find Will running up to her.

"Hey."

"I was hoping I'd catch you before you left." He said, hefting his backpack over his shoulder. "Listen, I'm sorry about before, I-"

"No, I'm sorry." Emily interrupted him and they both had to laugh.

"I hate fighting." Emily admitted softly.

"Me too." Will said and nudged her elbow with his. "Especially with you. Turns out you're right most of the time."

She chuckled. "It's alright. I think we both had very valid arguments."

"Yes." Will nodded. "But you were right about Cassandra. I don't need to fight her battles for her. And I shouldn't have gotten involved."

Emily nodded. "Are we good?"

"Of course." Will smiled.

"Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait." Will stopped her by holding on to her arm. "There's something else."

Emily's smile faltered for a moment.

"See, I heard this rumor today about you and Dr. Aquino and… Emily he's trouble. And he's not what you want."

"Stop." Emily said resolutely and held up her hand.

Will frowned at her.

Emily took a deep breath. So this was it. The feeling in her chest, telling her to put an end to this. Once and for all. It didn't hurt as much as she feared it would. But maybe that was just the thing about heart break you never realized until later. It gets better. This was what moving on had to feel like. Bittersweet.

"Will. I had a crush on you and you shot me down. And I'm tired of this. Right when I think I'm over you, you do something that's really sweet and just so… frustrating. You can't keep doing this. You have to give me the chance to let go of this, because it's obviously not going to go anywhere."

"What?" He looked at her dumbfounded.

"Goodnight, Will." Emily patted his arm and turned to walk over to her car.

"What did I do?" Will called after her. "Emily? What did I do?"

::

"So." AJ said as Micah returned from the bar with two new beers.

Micah just groaned and shook his head.

"Come on, man. You know I'm not going to let this go."

Micah decided not to answer and just took a long pull.

AJ shook his head. "Just tell me why."

"Why what?" Micah frowned.

"Why haven't you asked Emily Owens out yet?"

Micah dropped his beer back down onto the table. "It's not that easy, okay. She's complicated."

"She is or you are?" AJ teased him. "Come on. I talked to her. She's nice." He looked over at Micah and honestly felt bad for his friend who really thought he was that intransparent. "You really like her."

"I told you that already." Micah pointed out with a frown.

"No, I mean you really…_ like_ her."

Micah narrowed his eyes at him and said nothing.

"Aww, man. That's-"

"Shut up." Micah interrupted him good-humoredly. "Just… I'm not like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" AJ wanted to know and immediately sat up straighter.

Micah looked around, glad they had chosen a different bar for the night. He leant closer over the booth. "Look, I know you slept with her. And… it's okay. It's just… I'm not like that. And Emily isn't either."

"You know?" AJ asked dejectedly.

Micah just frowned at him, baffled by his friend's suddenly somber mood. "Yes. I know."

"And you've got nothing to say about it?"

"No." Micah shrugged. "It's not really any of my business just because she's my sister."

AJ just blinked at him, his brain obviously trying to catch up with something. "Chloe."

Micah frowned at him. AJ took deep breath and raked a hand through his hair. The colour was slowly returning to his face.

"You're talking about Chloe." He emptied the last of his beer in one go.

"Who did you think I was talking about?" Micah asked warily.

AJ just shook his head. "No one. Absolutely no one."

* * *

1. Kudos to the writers of Episode 11. It was done perfectly!

2. Written before I found out Micah's sister is named Lauren and younger than him, so I apologise.

3. Thank you for your reviews, they make my day(s) and are more than I could have ever hoped for! Truly!


	4. Chapter 4

„Emily, there you are." Cassandra burst into the locker room. "What are you doing?"

What does it look like she was doing, Emily thought wryly as she buttoned up her black blouse. She was just glad to be able to escape the hospital for two hours. Her day had been horrible so far and judging by Cassandra's presence, it wasn't about to improve. Dr. Bandari had been in a mood and Will constantly tried to catch up to her and talk about what had happened in the parking lot the night before. And she'd thought dodging his calls for the better part of the evening had been a dead give-away.

"I'm changing." She said self-explanatory as she tucked her blouse into her pants and grabbed her shoes out of the locker.

"Right, the funeral." Cassandra said, seemingly not interested. "Listen, I need your help before you leave."

"My help?" Emily asked disbelievingly. That would be a first.

Cassandra just glared at her. "Yes."

Normally, Emily would have gloated in Cassandra's obvious distress to admit that. Normally. But right now she had a more pressing issue. "Can it wait? I'm late already, my surgery took longer than expected."

"No, it can't." Cassandra crossed her arms in front of her. "Janie is scheduled for an MRI in 5 minutes and I can't get her to come with me. Apparently, she's afraid." She said with distaste.

"So? Talk to her." Emily said in frustration.

"She wants you." Cassandra said icily, clearly getting across what she thought about that.

Emily took a deep breath and nodded with a glance at her watch.

::

It was alright, she told herself as she hurried along the hospital corridor. She was doing this for Janie and not for Cassandra. Besides, it meant Cassandra owed her, right?

Janie sat in the middle of her bed, clearly entranced by the cartoon playing on TV in the corner of the room.

"Hi, Janie."

"Emily!" She squeaked, waving happily at her. "You look very pretty!"

"Thanks." Emily blushed, not knowing why. This was only a five-year old's opinion, she scolded herself.

"Why are you not wearing your doctor clothes?" Janie asked.

Emily grimaced. "Because I have to go somewhere. And so do you." She stepped up to the bed.

"Will you take me with you?" Janie asked hopefully, her eyes shining with excitement.

"No." Emily had to disappoint her. "You have a MRI scan. And Cassandra said you threw a tantrum because of it."

Janie evaded her gaze sheepishly. "Am I in trouble now?" She asked dejectedly.

Emily took a deep breath.

Okay.

Take your time.

She deserves your full attention. It's not her fault that the funeral starts in twenty minutes and you're going to miss it. Emily grimaced with another glance at her watch before pulling herself together.

She walked over to the bed and sat down, blocking Janie's view of the TV screen. The little girl looked down at her lap nervously.

"No, you're not in trouble." Emily said softly. "Janie, where are your parents?"

Janie looked up from under her long lashes. "Michael is at work and Amanda is in New York."

Emily frowned. This wasn't the first time she had called her parents by name, but she had ignored it the day before. "What's she doing in New York?" Hadn't Janie said her sister was a toddler?

But Janie just shrugged. "Important stuff, Michael says."

"Janie." Emily gently tilted the girl's chin to look into her eyes. "Why do you call your parents by their names? Why not call them Mommy and Daddy?"

"Don't know." Janie mumbled and Emily had to strain her ears to hear it. "I haven't been with them that long."

Emily's eyes widened and she took a hard look at the girl. Then she remembered what had struck her as odd about Janie the day before. How couldn't she have made the connection? On one side Janie pretended to be totally unaffected by her parent's lack of presence. And yet there was her neediness and longing for affection.

"Janie, before Michael and Amanda…" How did she put this? "Did you have other parents before you lived with them?"

Janie nodded. "Yes. But Michael and Amanda say that they 'dopted me now and that they are my new parents." She said it with such a lack of emotion that Emily didn't know what to think.

"And do you believe them?"

Janie seemed to think about it for a second before shaking her head imperceptibly. "I make trouble." She confessed with a small voice, her lip trembling.

"Why do you make trouble?" Emily asked carefully.

"Be-because I have sissures." Janie sniffed.

Emily wanted to be amused at the girl's version of "seizures", but she wasn't.

"But that's not your fault. You don't mean to do it, do you?"

Janie immediately shook her head. "No!"

"See?" Emily rubbed her back comfortingly. "If you don't mean to do it and it happens anyway, that's not your fault."

"But they will send me away again."

"Who said that? Did Michael and Amanda say that?"

"No." Janie sniffed and shook her head. "But that's what always happens."

"But what about Bobby and Sarah? Your siblings? I bet they make trouble too sometimes." Emily was at a loss. This funny and amiable and loveable kid was battling such a great anxiety… and she had no idea what to do.

"Yes, but they are their real kids."

"Tell you what." Emily said and got up, lifting Janie into her arms. "We're going to go and do your scan now. And we will find out what's wrong with you and make you better. And I'm sure Michael and Amanda will be very happy about that, right?" She wiped Janie's tears from her face and smiled encouragingly at her.

When she looked up, Dr. Aquino was leaning against the doorjamb, watching her. "How long-?"

"Long enough." He said gently.

Oh.

He raised his eyebrows at her.

Emily glanced at the clock. She had no time to deal with him, too. She shifted Janie to her other hip.

"Later." Was all she said as she passed AJ in the door.

::

Emily helped Janie onto the gurney.

"Okay, now remember what we talked about. Just lie still. And if the noises frighten you, you can talk to me and I will be just behind the window and be able to talk back to you."

Janie nodded dutifully. The radiologist tapped against the window, eager to get started.

"Okay. You can do this, Janie." Emily smiled reassuringly at her and slid the gurney into the MRI and stepped outside where Cassandra was watching her with hawk's eyes.

"What took you so long?" She asked. "Did you stop to paint each other's toenails?"

Emily decided to ignore her with a helpless glance at the clock. Late didn't even begin to cover it.

"Hey, Cassandra." Emily suddenly turned to her. "Did you ever talk to her parents?"

Cassandra just glared at her in return.

"I'm not getting involved." Emily sighed. "Okay, maybe I am, just tell me."

"I talked to the nanny, who brought her here yesterday and her father called last night. And the nanny stopped by earlier this morning. Why?"

Emily huffed. "She's adopted."

"What?" Cassandra just frowned in confusion.

"Janie is adopted. Quite recently, actually. And she's afraid her parents are going to change their mind about her now that she's sick."

"That's ridiculous." Cassandra said and rolled her eyes.

"Maybe. But she's five and has been shuffled between foster families her whole life. How is she supposed to know that this time it's going to be permanent? She's been in the hospital for two days and they haven't even been here to see her. No wonder she's scared."

"_Emily_?" Janie's timid voice came through the speakers.

Emily immediately reached for the microphone. "Hey Janie, you're doing great. Just one more minute."

"_It's really loud in here_."

"I know, honey. But you're doing great. So… Tell me something about your family." Emily instructed, hoping to take her mind off things.

"_What do you want to know_?"

Emily sighed. "Well, what about Amanda? Tell me something about her." She said encouragingly.

"_She's nice. She gets us frozen yogurt on Saturdays_."

"Wow. That really is nice." Yeah, she would like it too if someone got her a frozen yogurt on Saturdays.

"Guys." The radiologist looked over at them. "You should see this."

::

Micah grabbed at his tie and collar for what felt like the hundredth time today, hoping he could finally lose them. His sister shot him a glare.

They were standing next to the graveside, shaking hands and hearing all about how much their mother was going to be missed for she had been such a wonderful person. Or how much Chloe and he had grown up in what had to be thirty years.

He didn't care either way. His head was pounding, he was thirsty as hell and he just wanted this to be over. He just thanked his lucky stars that there was no sun today. The brightness might have made him more nauseous than he already felt.

They were just talking to their former neighbor when he suddenly spotted her. He had thought she couldn't make it. He knew she had to work and that she had no reason to take time off to go to the funeral of someone she barely had any claim to know. But he was oh so glad she had.

"Excuse me." He said and walked over to her.

Chloe's head snapped around to him and he could already hear her obnoxious complaint. "Micah!"

He didn't care. Micah never took his eyes off her as he crossed the distance between them, dodging well wishes and condolences. She looked beautiful today. Sad and clad in black, but utterly beautiful.

He didn't stop when he reached her and just wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to his body, and pressed his face into her neck.

Emily stumbled a bit from the impact of his body but if she was surprised, she didn't let on. She wound her arms around him and just held on tightly.

Micah breathed her in. He was so comfortable, so secure, that he had a hard time letting go. But when his arms finally went slack around her and Emily let go of him, he knew he had to as well.

She blushed slightly when she met his gaze. "So. How hung-over are you right now?"

He smiled for what felt like the first time today, glad that she'd changed the topic. Otherwise one look at her gentle and accepting eyes and he would have startled bawling right here in the cemetery. "I'm good. Getting better by the second actually."

But instead of avoiding his gaze like he had expected her too, she smiled faintly at him. Unsure how much longer she would make it before she started to freak out from the way he looked at her, she changed the subject.

"I'm sorry I was late."

"It's okay."

"No, but-"

"Hey." He briefly took one of her hands into his own and squeezed it, catching her eye again. "I'm glad you could make it at all. I thought you had to work."

Emily smiled sheepishly. "I might have traded for a late shift tonight."

"You shouldn't have. This isn't worth it." His voice was soft and choked with emotion.

"Of course it's worth it. It's your mother's funeral. And I thought we were friends. And you know… That other undefined thing." She murmured the last part.

Micah had to chuckle and slid his hands into his pockets. Anything to keep himself from kissing her right now. He lowered his voice conspirationally. "My mother would have hated this. She didn't even like half the people here. And just for the record." He leant in further. "We are friends… And that other _temporarily _undefined thing."

"Micah." Chloe walked up to them and Micah took a small step back, at least pretending to care about propriety. "Dr. Owens." She acknowledged Emily with a dry tone.

Emily tried to smile in return, wanting to make an effort.

"Micah, I think we should get going. Aunt Christie is fending all for herself." Chloe said.

"Yes." He grimaced and turned to Emily. "Are you coming to the wake? It's at my mother's house."

"I can't." Emily smiled apologetically. "I have to go back."

"It's okay. Thanks for being here, however briefly." Micah insisted with a vaguely disappointed look. If his sister wasn't standing right next to them pretending not to interrupt them just for the hell of it he might have hugged her again. At least taken her hand. Instead he had to settle for a smile and hoped it conveyed the message.

Emily smiled in return, nodded at them and turned to leave.

"Not your girlfriend my ass." Chloe whispered before stalking back towards the funeral guests.

::

Emily took a deep breath of the crisp evening air. Two more hours and she was already exhausted. She'd had to put in two new central venous lines, pull a marble from a kid's nose, treat an infected penis piercing and was bled all over by a drunk guy with nose bleeds. She swore Albugetti down in the ER was out to get her. She just didn't know why.

The door to the roof opened behind her and she scrunched her eyes, repeating her Mantra in her head. _Don't be him, don't be him, don't be him-_

"Emily."

No such luck.

"Will." She said, turning around and acting surprised to see him here. "What are you still doing here?"  
"I wanted to talk to you."

"Really." She smiled. Or at least she hoped it was a smile.

He narrowed his eyes at her and flailed his arms around. "What the hell was that last night?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night!" He shot back. "When you just left me standing there for no good reason!"

"No good-" She stopped herself. She couldn't believe this. But if she was honest with herself, she actually could believe it. Nothing in her life had gone according to plan. Absolutely nothing. She'd thought becoming a doctor would be a life-changing experience. She had expected it to be hard work. Hell, med school hadn't been a piece of cake either. She knew it was going to be challenging on the best of days and frustrating on the most and she had been prepared for that. It wasn't as glamorous and definitely not as rewarding as she thought it would be but what she hadn't counted on was this bone-deep tiredness. She was sick of feeling like this. Out of control. Left behind. Unable to live life the way she wanted to.

This had to change.

And now was as good a start as any.

Emily took a deep breath. "Will. On our very first day here I told you that I was in love with you. And you shot me down and it sucked. But the thing is…" She had to smile at her realization. "The thing is, it's okay. That was one of the best moments of my life. I knew what I wanted and I was free to say it. And since then…" She trailed off, not knowing how to explain it.

"Emily, look." Will stepped up to her.

"No, let me finish. Since then we changed. We both did, but I just couldn't see it. And I want to feel like that again. But not with you. I want to be over you."

"So you can hook up with Dr. Aquino?" Will asked tersely.

"What? No!" Emily's eyes widened in shock. "I don't know where you got that from. This has nothing to do with anyone else. I just want to feel like I can decide about my own life instead of waiting around for other people to _see_ me. And you can't get my hopes up all the time by acting all jealous."

Will bristled. "Jealous? You think I'm jealous? I think I handled all this pretty well, Emily. We both did. We were perfectly fine as friends and I'm just looking out for you."

"No." Emily said calmly. "We weren't fine. Maybe you were, but I definitely wasn't."

Huh. It actually felt really good finally admitting that.

Will shook his head in disbelief and raked his hands through his hair. "You've got to be kidding me. What the hell do you want from me, Emily?"

She didn't even have to think about it. "Nothing." She saw the instant hurt on his face. "I like you, but right now, I don't know where to draw the line. How to be your friend and nothing else. And I realize that is my problem more than yours. But maybe we should give each other more space."

Will said nothing and just looked at her for a long time. When he did speak, his voice sounded strangled. He stepped closer to her. "Okay." He rasped out.

Emily smiled timidly at him and offered no resistance when he gently hugged her.

"What the hell is going on here?"

They both drew back at Cassandra's interruption and Emily could see Will's eyes darting from her to Cassandra and back again.

Emily gave Will a soft smile before turning around. "Nothing. I was just having a hard time because of the funeral. And Will was just being a friend."

::

Emily kept glancing at the clock while she took notes in her patient's chart. 19:04. Fifty-six minutes and she was out of this place. And she didn't even care what happened in these fifty-six minutes, because right now she was feeling good. Really good. Which might have something to do with the text Micah sent her a few minutes ago. Thanking her for showing up at the funeral and inviting her over after her shift. Apparently there was enough food left over from the wake to feed an army.

"So, I guess it's later."

She looked up when Dr. Aquino walked up to her and had to suppress a sigh. She had totally forgotten about him. AJ came to a halt next to her.

"And since Micah is not here right now and I'm supposed to supervise you, I feel it's my obligation to tell you not to get too close to patients. Even if they are adorable five year old orphans, looking at you with big puppy dog eyes."

Emily looked down. "I know. But I can't say that it won't happen again."

"That's alright." AJ said with a small smile. "I said what I came here to say. And this supervising stuff is not really my thing."

Emily had to laugh at that.

"So." AJ said, looking around to make sure they were relatively alone. "I heard you met Chloe."

"Yes." She said tersely, not meeting his gaze. "She's _lovely_."

AJ chuckled at that. "Not the words I would have chosen for her, but I guess that's okay. The girl's father is actually here right now, if you wanted to talk to him."

Emily frowned at him. "She's not my patient."

"I know." He said matter-of-factly.

"Didn't you just tell me not to get too close to patients?" This was confusing. He was confusing. And he was confusing her even more when he smiled at her like that.

"Did you know your friend is trying to get me to ask you out?"

What?

"What?"

"Yeah." He said, before looking down at the chart in front of him.

Emily just glared at him_. Yeah_? That was all he could say about it?

"Tyra did that?" Why would she do that?

AJ frowned at her. "No, the other one. Cassandra."

Emily huffed. "I told you, we're not friends."

"Alright." He held up his hands in defense. "Just thought you should know."

"Well, thanks for telling me. Now you can tell everyone that I shot you down." Emily smiled sweetly at him.

"Ouch, that's awfully harsh, Dr. Owens."

Emily just gathered her stuff and left for Janie's room, passing by him. "You'll get over it."

::

"Mr. O'Neill?" Emily tentatively asked as she stepped into the room.

Janie was fast asleep and she guessed the middle-aged man sitting beside her with one of her children's book still in his hands had to be her father.

"Yes?" He looked up, startled by her voice.

"Hi." She said, stepping closer into the room. "I'm Dr. Owens."

"Oh, you're Emily, right? Janie couldn't stop talking about you." He smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Michael O'Neill, her father."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. O'Neill." She didn't know what she had expected, but he looked like any other Dad who's kid was in the hospital. Worried sick. Even despite his three thousand dollar suit. "I'm not Janie's doctor but I wanted to talk to you because I spent a bit of time with her since she's been here."

"Of course." He said and gestured her towards the two chairs. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you, too. I was hoping you could explain to me what exactly is going on with her."

Emily frowned. "Didn't Dr. Kopelson and Dr. Aquino talk to you yet?"

"Oh, they did." He quickly assured her. "Just after… well I didn't get much after they said she had a brain tumor."

"I understand." Emily said softly. "Janie has what is called a cavernous angioma. Her brain is actually fine, but her blood vessels around it are not. They are too large and build cavities that try to push her brain out of the way."

"That's why she had the seizures?" Mr. O'Neill asked.

Emily nodded. "Yes. These cavities just occurred or they may have been passed down to her from one of her biological parents. If you and your wife agree, we can operate and remove the cavities. The brain would expand again and the seizures should stop."

He nodded solemnly and looked over at Janie's sleeping form. "Brain surgery, huh?" He huffed. "You must think we're terrible parents. Our little girl has been here for two days and I couldn't even find the time to be here with her."

Emily didn't dare say anything. It was not her place to judge. "How did you…" She searched for words.

"How come we adopted Janie?"

Emily nodded.

"My company does a bit of charity work. We organized a huge play day for kids in the foster system. And we brought our own kids as well and I actually met her because she got into a fight with my son Bobby. He's eleven now. They were screaming at each other, ready to rip each other's head off." he laughed at the memory. "I can't even remember what they were fighting about. And she was so quick-witted and didn't take any crap from Bobby. By the end of the day she was following him around wherever he went and drove him crazy. She still does. I just… I fell in love with her. And then it just happened. It was finalized six weeks ago. And already I can't imagine my family without her."

Emily smiled faintly.

"I'm sorry." Mr. O'Neill turned back to her. "You wanted to talk to me about something and here I am rambling about my life. What was it you came here to say?"

"Never mind." Emily smiled reassuringly at him. "It wasn't important."

Clearly, she needn't have worried.

::

20:10. Her shift was over and she was finally free to go, Emily thought with a wide smile as she pushed the door to the locker room open. Tyra was already there, changing out of her scrubs as well.

"Hey." Emily said. "Did the c-section go well?"

Tyra shrugged into her t-shirt. "It was totally gross. And pretty cool. So, yes, I'd say so."

Emily laughed and went to open her own locker, glad to change and leave.

"So, pretty exciting, heh?" Tyra said with a teasing tone.

"What? The c-section?" Emily frowned as she dug around for her jeans.

"What? No." Tyra leaned over from her locker. "Didn't you hear about the fight?"

"What fight?" Emily asked absentmindedly. Seriously, where had she put her belt this morning? Her locker suddenly slammed shut, missing her fingers by inches. What the-?

"Hey!"

But Tyra didn't care and just looked at her with an inquisitive gaze. "You seriously didn't hear? Will and Cassandra had a fight. A _huge_ fight. Apparently they broke up."

"How did you hear when you spent the last two hours in the OR?" She wanted to know.

"The anesthesiologists traded shifts and the newest gossip while they were at it." Tyra smirked. "So, this has nothing to do with you?"

Emily shook her head emphatically. "No, I had nothing to do with that." As far as she knew.

"But you're happy about it, right?" Her friend winked at her.

"Actually, I don't care." Emily said and was just a little bit shocked herself to find that it was the truth.

"You don't care?" Tyra asked her disbelievingly. "Just like that? Is this because of what's going on with Dr. Aquino?"

Emily wasn't a violent person. She really wasn't. But right now she seriously contemplated hitting Tyra. Instead she just shoved her a little so she could open her locker again. "Great. So you heard about that, too."

"Are you kidding? Everybody heard."

"Yes, because Cassandra spread it around the whole day." Emily sighed.

"Hey. I'm just kidding about AJ." Emily turned around at Tyra's serious tone. "So, this whole not caring thing… is it because of Micah?" She carefully asked.

Emily took a step back from her locker and considered it for a moment. "Yes. And no. Actually, I'm done with Will. And I told him earlier. And I told him that we needed more space."

Tyra just looked at her with wide, surprised eyes, not saying anything for once.

"And Micah…" Emily shrugged. "I feel like I'm being… _drawn_ to him, you know. Even before I knew that he liked me, I felt like that without thinking too much about it. And I never knew what it was like to be _wanted _like this. _So much_. And I never saw it coming. But now that I know…"

She took a deep breath. Hearing it out loud made it actually feel less intimidating.

"Now that I know it's just so damn obvious and it's all I can think about. How did I not see this before?"

Tyra just crooked her head and looked at her skeptically. "Emily, you're unbelievable."

"_What_? Are you telling me you knew?"

"_Duh_." Tyra said and shook her head. "Well… Come on. It was kinda obvious. Your first cut? He basically talked you through the whole kidney transplant. He lets you get away with almost anything."

That couldn't be. Could it?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Tyra's eyes widened comically. "When was I supposed to tell you? You couldn't stop talking about Will long enough for me to get a word in."

Emily just huffed and turned back to her locker, forcefully getting her jacket and her purse.

"Hey." Tyra said. "Emily, come on."

Actually, this had nothing to do with what Tyra had said. Emily had brought this all upon herself, she thought deprecatingly. With a sigh she turned back to Tyra, who had the decency to at least look a bit remorseful.

"Hey. You're over Will and you and Micah are hitting it of. You shouldn't care about the rest."

Emily nodded with a small smile. "You're right."

"So tell me what opened your eyes about Will."

Emily shrugged. "The way Micah looks at me…" She trailed off, fearing to sound too ridiculous. But then, this was Tyra. Who had listened to all of her crazy and foolish theories over the last months without complaint. Or… very little complaint.

"If I ever looked at Will the way Micah looks at me and he didn't notice or didn't care… then he's not it. He just can't be."

"So that's it?" Tyra asked.

"Yes." Emily nodded.

"Yes, you think so?" She just had to make sure.

"No." Emily said and cracked a wide smile. "I know it. And I probably knew it all along. But now I can feel it, too."

Tyra just looked at her, saying nothing. Emily bit down on her bottom lip, nervous what her friend might say. When Tyra didn't say anything, Emily sighed.

"You think I'm being stupid."

"No." Tyra smiled reassuringly at her. "Actually I'm waiting for the rambling and the crazy explanations involving teapots and hippos and stuff. But that was probably the most coherent and intelligent thing I've ever heard you say that was not work-related."

::

"Hold the elevator!" Emily called as she came through the front door of Micah's building, glad to see someone actually do so.

Until she saw who it was.

Really?

After everything that had happened today?

"Dr. Owens." AJ greeted her with a sly grin, hands deep in his pockets, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Dr. Aquino." She said as she stepped onto the elevator. He had already pressed for the right floor.

"I heard the guys in the ER weren't too keen on you when you ordered a psych eval for a patient with vaginal bleeding?" He tried to make conversation.

"Yes." Emily smiled tensely. "She had it last month, too. It's called her period."

He cracked a smile at that. "Point taken."

"So, you're the reason it's safe for me to come over?" Emily dared to ask.

AJ nodded. "Yeah, I figured out get Chloe out of Micah's hair for a few hours."

The elevator doors opened on the fifth floor and AJ gestured for her to go first. Emily preceded him and together they walked over to Micah's door.

AJ knocked.

"So, word around the water cooler has it, I'm carrying your love child." Emily suddenly said.

AJ spun around to her and grinned. "Great! Nice to see our torrid affair bear fruit."

Emily frowned at him. "Who said it was torrid?" She asked just as the door in front of them opened.

"No one. I just assumed it would be." AJ said suggestively.

"What's going on?" Micah asked inquisitively.

"Nothing." Emily and AJ said at the same time, laughing at each other.

::

* * *

**Hope I caught all the typos...**


	5. Chapter 5

**I can see Will's glasses at the edge of the screen when Emily opens the door. So that better be Micah's shirt she's wearing.**

* * *

„Seriously, how long has it been since you saw her?" AJ asked with a playful and teasing smile.

Micah just frowned, while checking out the interns who slowly showed up one by one for rounds on Monday morning.

"What are you talking about?"

"Emily." AJ pointed out. "I swear, you're more nervous than you were on your first day as an intern."

Micah just glared at him, blushing slightly. "Shut up." He looked around, making sure everyone else was too far away or too tired to listen. "And it's been five days." He murmured.

AJ just snickered. "You're hopeless, man."

Micah ignored him. He could not, however, ignore Cassandra and Will as they joined the waiting group at the nurses' station. They were arguing in hushed tones, immediately falling silent as they reached the group and did their best to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"What's with them?" Micah asked AJ quietly, feigning an interest in the chart in his hands.

"Arguing ever since they broke up." His friend answered under his breath.

Micah's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at his friend.

"Good morning, let's get started." Dr. Bandari breezed in just as Micah wanted to ask AJ what was going on.

They had broken up?

When?

Did Emily know?

He scolded himself for that last thought. Of course she knew. Not only was she Will's friend, but apparently their break-up was common knowledge for everyone.

Well, everyone but _him_.

He spotted Emily's blonde hair and Tyra's unruly curls hurrying around the corner just as the group simultaneously made their way to the first patient. He wanted to let himself fall back to the end of the entourage but AJ tugged on his lab coat. When he looked dup to meet his friend's eye AJ just shook his head and mouthed '_not now'_ at him with a small nod at Gina's back.

It took every ounce of Micah's willpower, but AJ was right. Gina was in a mood today, nearly making one of the interns cry in the second patient's room, when she didn't know the patient's exact lab results and reprimanding a nurse in the hallway for dawdling when they passed her by.

Micah had merely been able to share a small smile with Emily in the third room and was glad there had only been four new admissions over the weekend, thus cutting morning rounds rather short for today.

He sidled up to her as soon as Gina took off, leaving everyone to their work.

"Dr. Owens. You were late." They walked over towards the nurses' station and Micah was quite relieved to see most of the interns leave.

Emily smiled widely at him. "Good morning, Dr. Barnes. The way I saw it I arrived just in time."

He smiled back. Probably stupidly so, but he didn't care. He was just glad to see her again.

He cleared his throat. "So, Mrs. Edwards." He said and gestured towards the file Emily had put down on the counter in front of them. "You should probably check her bilirubin and hemoglobin. She lost a lot of blood during the operation. And she might develop jaundice."

Emily nodded, not saying anything.

"Which you already knew." Micah said with a chuckle and a embarrassed look.

Emily nodded again.

"And already did."

"Yes." Emily admitted sheepishly. "But it's good to have you back, anyway."

Micah shook his head. AJ had been right. He was hopeless. Completely hopeless.

"It's good to be back. Oh and congratulations on becoming Gina's new research assistant. You deserve it."

"Thanks." Emily beamed at him. "Oh, do you want to see my office?"

"Sure."

"Well, it's more like a supply closet, but I'm working on that."

Micah just chuckled. "I want to see it."

::

"Okay."

Emily nudged his shoulder with her own. "I told you I'm working on it."

"Well…" Micah tried to think of something diplomatic. "It's cozy." He stepped further into the room, turning and taking a look at everything.

Emily laughed. "Just be glad I already got rid of some of the shelves and discovered some windows behind them."

"You mean there were more shelves in here?" Micah teased good-naturedly. He quickly tried to appease her when he caught her rolling her eyes at him. "No, seriously. It's…" He grimaced. "Well, it's…"

"It's okay. You don't have to say something nice. Emily stepped further into the room and closed the door behind her.

He watched her quietly.

"So, how are you?" Emily asked tentatively as her face grew serious.

Micah took a calming breath. He had dreaded that question all morning, dodged it from AJ even. But now that Emily was asking with warm and comforting eyes…

"I'm okay."

And it was the truth. Right now, he didn't feel the burdening and heart-aching loss of his mother so much.

Emily glanced at him, obviously uncertain as to whether to believe him or not. Micah stepped closer to her, nervously tugging a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm okay." He repeatedly quietly and shrugged. "I don't think about it all the time. And sometimes I even forget that she's dead. Or I find myself laughing and then feel bad for laughing. Which is ridiculous."

"It's not" Emily tried to reassure him. "How did it go with Chloe?"

"Okay, I guess. She's leaving tonight." Micah searched her face, no longer able to _not_ think about it.

"What?" Emily asked apprehensively.

He hesitated only for a second before deciding to just say it. This was Emily. And they had always been able to talk to each other. Actually, when he thought about, it really had been _always_. Right from her very first day here.

"Why didn't you tell me Will and Cassandra broke up?" He immediately felt like an idiot for asking. And even more so when he met her hurt gaze. Her eyes widened imperceptibly and Micah had to look away.

"I didn't tell you because it didn't matter." Emily's soft but confident voice cut through his thoughts.

"Of course it matters."

"Micah. Your mother just died. And all the rest is just... I mean who cares?"

"I care. And it matters, because you were in love with Will."

"Micah." She took a decisive step towards him, putting her hand in his forearm. "I didn't tell you because for me just the idea of losing my mom is crippling. So I can't really imagine what it must be like for you. I didn't want to keep anything from you. I didn't tell you because it doesn't change anything for me. Or for… you know… us." She said tentatively.

Micah just heaved a deep breath and looked at her. Really looked at her, beyond her ready smile and the slight blush on her cheeks. She was exhausted. It was only Monday morning, but he could see it on her face. Could see the dark circles under her eyes and a tiredness that could only stem from working ten days straight.

"I'm sorry."

"No." Emily quickly tried to reassure him.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Micah said decisively. "You see… My mom died. She died just last week and although I'm still coming to terms with that, I… God." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking about you. Or the kisses we shared. Because-"

He was cut off when Emily grabbed the lapels of his coat. His mouth barely had time to drop open in surprise before her lips were on his, pressing lightly, gently. And he suddenly realized that he had actually missed _this_. This connection they shared.

Emily drew back and shot him a timid smile. "I missed you, too."

Micah chuckled and pressed another quick kiss to her lips.

::

"Hey, Emily, wait up."

Emily turned around in the corridor and smiled widely at Will. "Hey."

"So." He said as he reached her and they continued walking. "How is the little girl with the hemangioma doing? I would ask Cassandra, but…"

Emily nodded in understanding. "Janie's good. Proudly showing everyone her battle wounds. Her parents have been here every day so far."

"Good. That's good." Will said distractedly. "Listen…" He trailed off and drew in a sharp breath. „I wanted to apologize."

„What for?"

„You know… giving you a hard time about Dr. Aquino. You told me there was nothing going on and I should have believed you."

Emily smiled appreciatively. "Thanks. What changed your mind?"

Will grimaced and huffed. "Just, let me first say that yes, I agreed to more space between us. But we've been friends for years."

"Will?" Emily asked cautiously. It was true that he'd agreed to her plea for more space. But since he and Cassandra had broken up it had been harder to maintain than she'd thought.

"So, since we've been friends for years, I just want to remind you that I care about you."

"What are you talking about?" Emily frowned.

"You and Micah."

::

* * *

[A/N]

Normally, I'm not one for personal author's notes. But you have all been so wonderful and kind with your reviews that I feel I owe it to you.

First: I'm sorry this chapter is so short and yet took so long for me to post.

But second: It will be a few days until I'll post again. My finals start on Monday and I have a lot pending on them. (Including my _own_ internship, hopefully working with the resident_ I_ have a crush on.) So I hope you can understand that this just isn't a priority for me right now. I will write as often and as much as I can, but it might take some time.  
In the meantime, I was so glad to see many new authors posting stories. Well done, you rock!  
Thank you for you understanding and your support with this story! I'll be back soon!


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